Ive always had this condition, so that rules out it being retribution, divine,karmic or otherwise. The condition being myasthenic, how all my life ive always wondered why i couldnt look at the world's beauty properly, how i couldnt experience the visual treats.. Ive always envied those with large eyes, wishing that i could just get a minute in to just look at life through those eyes.. i know how everybody always wished they were someone else, but i only wanted somebody else's eyes, for once being able to open my eyes fully and just look at stuff like a normal person would.. So i often retreated in my own escapist sanctuary, created through the written and drawn form of art.. The diagnosis revealed that a big part of the problem lies in my blood, i had too much antibodies.. As a result, they attacked and screwed up the chemical connections between the nerve and muscle.. Its funny to think that something thats supposed to help you can destroy you.. The glee i got from being exempted for most of the immunisation clinics like the BCG especially with the ominous several month-ed prelude to it was shortlived because its the same condition that will bother me endlessly through the years.. Being "over-protected" meant that i'd be less susceptible to illness and of course not needing the numerous immunisations, but it also caused sudden fatigue to my bodily muscles(sometimes being uncontrollable like the jaw hanging open) and the chronic eyelid dysfunction.. The diagnosis sounds like im some kind of homo sapien superior, but the effects made me feel sub-human..By the age of sixteen, i had grown blase to the somewhat omnipresent question of why i look sleepy all the time.. the psychologically painful condition was there all these years, it was just bearable, and now when it becomes this bad, my perpetual denial of being part of sub-human kind had to end as the doctor shoved reality into my face.. In the words of a myasthenic, "My mother always said the key to success in life was to open your eyes and keep your mouth shut, but now i cant even do both" a submerged destiny that has met with its tragic promise..

an example how it has degenerated me to a gollum-grade psycho..