Dear Ridzal,

This is a suicide note.By the time you read this,i will have consumed 3 packets of baby diapers preferably Huggies or if not,Pampers , 20 tabs of Panadol Menstrual and i have Ruffedge's Tipah Tertipu on repeat in my CD player.

Sometimes i wish you could see me when you're going out with other guys. When i'm biting my lips into a crimson river of emptiness. dark crimson red signifying blood. signifying life which has no meaing for me anymore. so dark.so black.so evanescence. life is meaningless when you use a passive-aggressive approcah to getting treats from me and then having sex with the soccer captain of Tampines Rovers Under-13 team while i stand there holding a handycam recording his every powerful thrust into you and you keep shouting at me,"Hold the camera steadily,you muthafucking pussy!". Life is meaningless and when life has no meaning it means that it provides me with a justification to take black masking tape and paste them over my nipples which are actually capable of milking baby rats.


You wouldnt know what my love for you has done to me.

You used to stand up for me whenever some 65 year old Chinese auntie asked me whether she could have the can of Coca-Cola which i had no more use for and you replied her question with a roundhouse kick to the ribs.I still have her picture right here with me

That memory remains like a scar on the right buttcheek of a fat man who got slashed while attempting to sit down on an Iron Chef armed with a meat cleaver.

It was the most memorable day of my life when we went out and took a walk by the seaside and you wore the blue sleeveless shirt that i bought for you and you fashioned your hair like a double curry puff.


I just want you to know that this friendship will last forever even though its killing me and by the time you read this post,i will be looking like this.

and in times like this only one song can articulate how suicidal i feel..

* Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu lagi

Bila berkata tentang tipah tertipu lagi
Jangan salahkan sesiapa, salahkan diri sendiri
Yang tahu menilai sesuatu yang baik, buruk dan rugi
cinta datang dan pergi jangan tergadai diri
Kau harus tahu dan kau harus fikir ha
Ini permainan bukan boleh diduga
C.A.T.A.K.A. pria pujangga pucuk kasam menggegarkan telinga
Azan mulakannya...

Kisah tipah ini satu pengajaran
Yang buat kita fikir, oh oh oh oh oh
Mulanya seperti kain yang suci
Tapi dicemari dunia keji

** Senang percaya si Jeffri, dia ditipu lelaki
Senang pula ubah hati, kerna dikikir emosi
Menipu sana sini, tanggung-tanggunglah sendiri
Bila problem dah menggunung
Tak ade yang dapat tolong

Selepas tertipu, dia yang menipu
Dan tipu sudah jadi hati dgn diri
Tipu dah tetipah, kerana selesa, dengan gaya hidupnya yang liar

Ulang **

Ulang *

Bila makin terdesak, tertipu, menipu
Menangis seorang diri, mengenang nasib
Yang rugi, tak suci
Dan lagi dan kini masa untuk kebenaran, muncul kembali

Kau sedar taktik kau dah lari, kau bersilih ganti
Sampai bila pun kau tak cukup dan tak mudah berhenti
Apa nak dicari, serta menjadi-jadi kerna
Kernamu mudah dijual, mudah dibeli tepi

Kenapa ni, menangisi, derita ditanggung sendiri
Apa dicari, mengapa kau salahkan Ali
Bangun sendiri, tak kira malam pagi
Jangan tangisi derita yang kau cari sendiri
I'm just the best, dada
I'm the best papa, baru hilang semua
Papa sama saja, ikut penangan jiwa sendiri kan bertanya
Bila masa cinta berputik dipinggirian dia

Hello, bolehku tanya, siapa nama?
Oh Tipah, pernahku dengar tapi di mana ya
Mungkinkah dari teman-temanku
Kaulah gadis itu, yang selalu ditipu, engkaulah tipah tertipu

Tipah tertipu tertipu, aku tak tahu tak tahu
Aku tak dapat nak bantu, tipah tertipu

Tipah, selamat hari jadi, kau sudah kena
Kena tipu lagi, takde sape yang boleh tolong
Melainkan tuan punya body...

especially the last line..

Love,
Zainal "everything will be over soon" Abidin