Evidence of the fantastic supernatural ability possessed by the ninja muscle



This is honorary sensei Khai levitating with my help..


This is Khai before he joined the ninja muscle...



So what are you waiting for? Join the Ninja Muscle now!

a thousand frowns face me
unable to discern abstrusest thoughts
trained to ostracise
fail only to learn, die only to give life
some subversive collective marked down
in its noble bid to amend faulty legislation
bigoted perspectives blur
and question this form of chivalry
fear of our unfathomed eyes
uncertainty of our dark unplumbed hearts

will you not fault me when i err
irritation through verbal locomotive
freeze my platform for fundamental liberties
and those guilty by association
repopulate the world for the anti-christ
conform to expectations, repent later
adhere to archaic ruling, i refuse
would you have preferred my death to this

for the "true" malay society that shuns me, blessed with 'adat', unlike me

Im in grouchy old man mode, where I bitch about certain issues while chewing on tobacco. As if the world wasn’t plagued enough by war, recession and dramas like Light Years, the dark lord Satan unleashed chain sms-es onto our lives. As equally irritating as their e-mail counterparts, these digitalised annoyance machines betray your hopes of proper communication with yer frens as you disappointingly read the chain sms which replaced the ‘hi, how you doin?’ that should have preferably been there. Usurpers of warmer and more meaningful communication practices in the form of proper conversation, it is another sign of the decadent mechanisation of human beings. What aggravates the irritability factor is that a threat be attached at the end of the vile messages, as if some wiccan rituals were performed just to conjure up this curse-attached sms in imperative duty to society and the telecommunication industry.
*in room with big sms-generating cauldron- ‘Thou’st invokes thee, Spirit that resides in cellular networks to lay waste to non-believers! Following these strict guidelines… If you send this to 1-5 person(s), you will experience 10 months of bad luck, If you send this to 5-10 people, you will blah blah etc… Thou offer'st thee the offals of ritualistic sacrifice through err USB connection O’ digitalised one’
Yes, hardly believable, so I came to a conclusion that the ones responsible for it must be the phone companies, forging a circulation system of irritating chain sms-es in a bid to boost business. Is there no end to man’s suffering? Wazzzaaaa…

my take on the issue of internet/blog censorship
Ronald and Joohdiey Hands Tothecheeks, superheroes with a twist

*note* amirul(the only guy in the strip without red ribbons on his head) is in no way a subordinate dog, he is just a cute model from school. . tee hee. . although the other two are really girls who put on make up. . thanks for posing guys..

Did she said that? oh yes she did!

i am he who writes incomprehensible gibberish
i am he who lights flaming sepulchers in your psyche
deity supremissimo of ninja chivalry
promiscuous criminal errantry
wanton transgressions in the cushion manner
heathenish fallacy, helenistic allusions
Ahmad Farid Evangelist Aryan, pioneer of Jeng Buah PLey hypnotic chant
nihilist notoreity, artful knavishness
nefarious scheming philistine, in utmost need of enlightenment. . .

welcome to my world, know me better will you? through the perspective of others. . .

I question the reason behind my feelings. .

will you cradle me when you are supposed to?
how can you, when you dont even know this truth?
strap me on a trebutchet aimed at despair
i masquerade, but do i leak till laid bare?

are you amused enough at my frequent repartee?
why am i impelled to write this piece of bad poetry?
you dont seem to fall for artful palaver
you wisely acknowledge the act of candour

why do i ask these questions and slip into a trance?
why do i recite a mantra to feign nonchalance?
albeit wordless, a silent bid, in solemn self entreaty
i wonder, i sigh, but i still breathe free. .

im risking revelation of a guarded secret as i write this. . but damn. . emo moments are emo moments. .

Several new religions appeared in Asia during the 20th and 21st centuries, these new beliefs primarily to respond to people’s changing spiritual needs, faced with rapid industrialisation, urbanisation and the import of Western customs. In recent times, these religions have begun to exert influence over many, particularly one, Ahmad Farid Evangelism.

The Second Messiah
This religion is monotheistic, with the sole belief in Ahmad Farid as a second Messiah but recognises other divine beings such as Hannan Hucknall( the goddess of rollercoasters/frizzy hair), Shikin (the goddess of butt acne and cellulite), Azura (benevolent goddess of “susu”) and Mr R*j ( demi-god of thick moustaches). The system is similar to the caste social structure, Holy men/girls with moustaches occupy the top rung,the most famous one being Sofinah, known for her erratic moustache growth, these men are the brahmins or nobility. The next and most important group is the warrior class, the ninja muscle, they are the true evangelists, pure of blood and extremely muscular. Selection often involves complex procedures and those few who get ordained are considered the equal of angels, mortal parallels of these ethereal entities. These muscular men don headgear and are zealots in protecting the interests of the Ahmad Farid ideology. The higher level ninja muscle, which would be the equivalent of seraph status in angel terminology, are Ridzal, Zainal and Azmi. The holy trio are immortalised after their efforts in vanquishing enemies of Ahmad Farid Evangelism. These ninja muscle wield mind-control-like powers over the numerous followers of the religion and like the apostles, chosen by Ahmad Farid himself, spread the teachings of this great religion.

Scene 1, setting- Neighborhood Gazebo
3 girls gushing about a new boyfriend.(complete with loose translations)
Mona : Wah matair kau baik dok!(wah your boyfriend is great dok)
Aminah : Sekzzz!!!(Sekzzz)
Zainab : Tu ah aku bilang kau dok!(that’s why, I tell you dok)
Mona : How is he?
Zainab : He is great, he knows how to treat a girl, he cares about me a lot, I can see that by the amount of calls and sms-es he left on my hp asking me whether ive eaten(u dah mamam?), what im doing(u ngah uat apa?), whether ive washed up or not and following that up with cute comments like “patut ah bau bantal!”(no wonder smell like pillow) and “eee bucuk!”(eee smelly)*but said in a cute way.
Mona : gosh! I wish I had a boyfriend just like him!
Aminah : Sekzzz!!!(sekzzz)

Meanwhile…
Scene 2, setting- Void deck
2 guys snorting(also complete with loose translations)
Ravi : Eh matair kau sekzzz dok!( eh your girlfriend sexy dok)
Haikal : Tu pasal aku pagi pagi dah jamah dok!( that’s why, I morning morning taste liaozzz dok)
Ravi : wah untung eh kau dok!favor ah dok!passing ah!apa lagi!(wah you lucky ah.do me a favor will ya.pass her to me ah.what you waiting for.)
Haikal : aku passing kau lepas aku dah puas ah! Kau jangan bilang kau dapat nombor dari aku ah!(I’ll pass her to you after im satisfied.But you don’t tell her that you got her number from me ah)
Ravi : Thanks ah dok! Ni baru members!(thanks.this is what I call a good friend)

This may have been exaggerated a bit but the main bullshit content is left intact. This was witnessed and now relayed in text and now provide commmentary on what is happening in teenage social circles today. The nonchalance displayed by the guys engaging in inappropriate conversation about the female of the species is ghastly. What is evident and disgusting is that they see no error in their ways as they do it over and over again so that they can boast and high-five each other about how they “dah jamah dah!” or have ‘tasted’ the female victims. The “passing” culture is alive and rampant among today’s youth , this is what the ninja muscle frowns upon and seeks to stamp out. Through mockery and parodying of “abang-abang passing” habitual practices and lingo, we attempt to ridicule them and garner support in the crusade for righteousness. . Similar to the Order of the Knights Templars during the Crusades in 1119, the ninja muscle has combined the religious vows of a monk(with the sole belief in Ahmad Farid, the second Messiah) with the warlike skills of a knight to produce loyal and true protectors of morality. .

And if the darkness befalls us, we shall look to the one, a seeming minion of inertia.But in actual fact, she picks up the crestfallen, who would have remained slothful and sullen, withdrawn from the world. She rights the creed that manifests in the doleful hymn they sing out loud, that dictates their lives, distress and torment terrible. She sweeps away their lamentations and engages in passive therapy that cleanses the soul, washing away the stain of sin and regret. She is celestial and a near-equal being to god that is Ahmad Farid, she is Hannan.

We’ve always been moved by love songs. Great love songs especially by simply red, trademark and 5566. Ive compiled the best lyrics from the greatest songs and put them together into a bit of poetry, also adding some cliches that tugs at our heartstrings and makes our eyes glaze over in bliss. But instead of writing it to/for a girl, im gonna write it for my buah pley(scrotum/balls).

Oh look at me for heaven’s sake (always use heaven cos its romantic,serious)
I love you like a fat kid loves cake (50cent-21 questions)
Oh please come back to me! (highlights your sense of loss)
Come into my arms don’t leave me! (just look at that bit of poetry!)
I am the moon and you are my star! (stars are always romantic too, serious)
In my heart, mind and lower abdomen you have left a scar! (excellent!)
Ill walk a thousand miles for you!
To show my love for your wrinkly skin so true!
But its like ive dropped the ball. damn im sorry! (ruben-sorry 2004)
And forgot your present on 14.02.03. damn im sorry! (ruben-sorry2004)
You know that you are my angel! (angels are especially very romantic!honest)
That we'd be together forever.
Oh I need you, you need me baby! (all this while holding yer loved one close, in this case my buah pley ah)
And my heart will go on and on.

Hahahahaha… grimace at nonsense at its worst, primarily, its to show how lame and cliched love song lyrics are sometimes. Im sorry I had to use my buah pley as the subject matter, but buah pley sounds so funny.

Fact of the day!
9) "mat tetek" refers to...
WRONG b) zainal CORRECT a) a male individual with floppy 'breasts'


At least 70 percent of quiz takers chose answer B)Zainal as the answer to this question..(this includes zainal himself) This must mean, that zainal really is a mat tetek, a male individual with floppy breasts, so for those of you who got the wrong answer by choosing B, can add ten more marks to your score. Give yerself a pat on the back cos you deserve it, for uncovering the truth. Hahaahah.

i wrote this some time back, but its so relevant right now. .

you curse me through the blackened roof of your carnal cathedral
the very medium to take you to heaven yet commit sins so evil
and to make references to popular culture
they are the jedi while we are the siths of terror

make me a cup of tea, but dont spit in it please!
are all these conjured logics just to put our minds at ease?
or are we just falling and fooling ourselves that its flight?
how do we know being a victim of conformity isnt right?

i utilize latin...the path to the stars
it isnt riddled with restrictions.. ad sic itur ad astra
to get there you have to get rid of all reservations
and use the rhythm of your imagination

give me the bliss that i sought
or else in this flesh vessel my soul will rot
in this lifetime would i be guilty of heresy?
i belong to the wrong side of society's asymmetry

i want to gaze at the magical magenta in the sky
and die with at least a magnum opus to live forever by
but maim me with mainstream arrows of suggestions
and ill die an unknown... a social insignificant

I am the demonic malevolent megalomaniac. Fear what I utter in jest as well as anger for it might directly or indirectly get you killed(or faint in the lift as in a certain case). Fear too, the air around me, as im the basilisk, I poison rivers, cause trees to wither and living beings drop dead around me with just my presence. Ill turn you to stone from my perch, from where I command my hordes. Spawns of hell who are loyal to a higher being, ordained to serve Satan. I have chosen to first lead the life of a plague, slithering across surfaces and influence mortal minds to do my bidding. Those who have felt the demonic wrath do not escape eternal damnation that I myself am enslaved to, serving Satan forever. Do not look into my eyes, they will force themselves into your mind , casting a spell which makes you join the hordes which I will summon in the day of reckoning, for that is why I am masked. If not, you’ll be entrapped within your mind, unable to break free, even as ragnarok sweeps by, always stained by sin. Those that have been touched by me, will shield themselves from the light of reason, becoming a minion to a lesser demon known as violence, a tempest rages in their soul, never able to appease it, revealing a macabre menace that was always present deep within them, a threat to earth bound mortals. I will slink away and disappear because, Satan himself is rebirthed and unshackled from the confines of hell, in one of these vessels which serve as a platform for his chaos and destruction.

This piece talks about the accusations that were thrown, according to them, I am evil, “malevolent” and seeking a power trip. What I say can hurt you emotionally, spiritually and physically. I also corrupt minds, as represented by the basilisk, a mythological creature which can kill just by its presence and even poison rivers from where it drinks. I also head a gang or “hordes” which lay chaos in its wake. In doing what I did in the ninja muscle fiasco, I have attempted to “recruit” others, particularly one “held in high regard” but when I failed, he resorts to barbaric tactics, hence “becoming a minion to a lesser demon known as violence”. What I didn’t manage to recruit, he blooms devilishly, being more evil than me becoming Satan’s “platform for his chaos and destruction” through blatant lies, insinuations and facades.

lets just get distracted from the whole going ons in school to dedicate my poetry or at least attempt at it to this particular girl..

hey angel of love dementia
i am enslaved to inertia
why do you look at me in silent glee
when i sink deeper in emotional poverty?

grip my arm and never let go
then you creep slowly around my heart
maybe ill never look into your eyes
and remain indifferent to your cries

blow away the sand you try to clench
and let the tears stain your cheeks
ill help to wipe them away
but i wont promise to stay

why dont you look towards the true horizon..
cos i cant be yours..

*Dressing up as bare bodied ninjas, with drawn muscles, running around playing pranks = gang activities that warrant police attention, (speculation is rife that this gang could number up to 300 men or more, judging by the muscular bodies of the offenders)
*Keeping a blog with 3 transsexuals as the display pic and and posting entries laced with tongue in cheek humor = maintaining a website with offensive, undesirable and irresponsible content! "the police can crack down on gang activities through our website"(also regarded as a form of intimidation)
*composing an apology card = shameless recruitment methods(into the gang)
*swiping at the rear end with a cushion/plastic file = a form of instigation that justifies a physical assault later on(due to the fact that we felt "insulted" that the victim rejected our invitation in the apology card)
*a kick in the jaw and ribs = excusable due to status of victim, and the fact that it was to "protect his dignity"
*whole fiasco = punishable by expulsion(only applies to the ninja offenders), but will be given a second chance, a subsequent prank would mean immediate and sure expulsion.
*my whole face at the end of this = blank, so let use my nipples as an indicator of emotions - they're wiggling feverishly! that must mean exasperation! Gasp!
!swing back your head and laugh at the bull**** theyve conjured up just so they have a case against us.

"You are just sore that you did not make it the last time!"

Do those words instill fear and evoke penitence from you? If not.. then let me rub my buttcheeks together to imitate the sound that came out from the mouth which said those lines… Yes.. truly FRIGHTENING!
Stumped by the boldness of that comment and wittiness of the one who mouthed it, I had no choice but to nod and agree… Its true im sore… but its only half right.. in fact less than that… Im more sore by the way that he treated me, in fact many people like me before he saw the need for us… Only a bully with authority out on a power trip can force people to do stupid stuff like *actual events - trick an innocent student that the way to treat a cut lip is to suck on a blade of grass in an attempt to attain respect and a 'joker' image in front of the rest… - inadvertently forcing the quartermaster to quit by ordering the poor fella to clean up mud in the toilet… And when there is an obvious need for us, a stready stream of butt-licking occurs…. Which of course is normal everyday fare for the "elite" few which are in favor of his favoritism… How can you not be sore when cronyism takes the place of meritocracy in the selection system… How can you not be sore when you have shed 'blood,sweat and tears'to possess the ability that you have now only to find out ball sucking puts others above you, how ball sucking makes up for the need for innate and trained ability… Sometimes when things are not in logic, when things don't make sense… shouldn't we refrain from blind obedience and speak out whats on our mind? Why should we conform to a fascist mentality? It might be interpreted as a lack of respect on my part but its all honesty and constructive criticism… I don't hate the soccer team… I just hate the system that brings it down year after year… I mean 2nd some years ago(before the "saviour" stepped in) to of insignificant rank last year? It must be flawed right? It just proves 4 things..:- 1) SOME players were plain crap 2)some of the tactics were plain crap 3)degenerative influence by the coach that cant be helped 4)you can imitate the sounds made at the sidelines by rubbing your buttcheeks together.
So, by resorting to nasty jabs in the ribs with that comment, he has substantiated my claim to him being a buttpirate…

The retreat to Johor Bahru Sofitel Palm Resort was fun and a splendid idea if you asked me.. I truly had fun there and much of it was self generated… Playing pranks on unsuspecting 'corridor-dwellers' regardless of which campus they were from and whether we knew them or not.. hah! And that was where the 'Ninja Muscle' was born… Me and Zainal realised our innate superhuman abilites after a tiresome morning of protecting the world from the mat confident type.. Donning the awesome Ninja headgear, we suddenly sprouted six-pack abdominals and toned pectorals.. In stealth we scoured the resort grounds for targets, our well-defined bodies glistening in the dim lighting of the narrow corridors… Careful to avoid Ivan Lim's patrol routes and creeping up to our 'prey' like leopards and striking like cobras… haha… what a way to glorify our immature pranks! Haha… but what matters most is that I , no we..had fun! Creating catchy spontaneous songs during workshops and forcing others to join in the 'doowop'… haha… Getting light -headed from the ninja missions and forced to retire to bed and all…. Ahhh…. Reminiscing about those days will bring giggles upon giggles… and damn… didn't even remember to check out the girls from the other campus… since we were so busy playing pranks on the guys… haha…. Ahhhh….(fading sigh brought about by nostalgi

for all the ppl who led me on... for all who gave me false hope... this is my poetic tribute to you...

search my static existence
for wretched hope
find it only to destroy it
fodder and fuel for your smiling heartbeat

i didnt know i was falling prey to a curse
when i saw your eyes as burning embers
in the darkness of uncertainty
as if it was said in some divine decree

initially liquorice hate as bait
cradled into false solace
then rendered helpless in a state of limbo
denied both heaven and hell, in abysmal sorrow

wait till i collapse from chronic burns
with just passive aggression left from dismemberment
and they say freedom comes from within
but my innate ability breeds corrupt sins