burnt jossticks...
and a bad haircut...
...thats all....
Monday, June 20, 2005
Sunday, May 22, 2005
The adopted country of Pug Jelly found them cool enough to grant the band considerable commercial success.
Has recognition of an expatriate punk outfit's marketability and careful targeting of the same
demographic spawned a Pug doppelganger?
Their fanbase might be mainly made up of tweenage orchard road infestations largely affected by jealous guys poking fun at the metrosexual boybands their predecessor generation were obsessed with. This results in them trendily declaring their non- allegiance to boybands but rather to the presentlypopular pop-punk/goth getups popping up everywhere.
Angsty "nobody loves me anymore" teenagers in Singapore now have a reason to do their version of the celebratory chicken dance.
Listening to SET FOR GLORY bestows the same exclusive smugness an underground band might bring to the "rebellious" non-mainstream listeners who will grumpily also find themselves among the same fan-crowdof Pug Jelly, for that is SFG's appeal.
Set for glory is ambitious and due to it's fortunate timing in pop ascension, looks strongly
marketable particularly because of its music's genre and ethnic mix. The young band is still in their teens and shows great promise in the music it can churn out. Also featured in their growing resume is their confident and engaging showmanship capable of causing a high-pitched oral eruption in the largely female crowd.
Enough about music, the orders from my co- overlords at prosaic were to write about the evening spent with the band...
Initially startled by the melodic beeps on my glossy-steel futuristic milky pink bracers, i crawled
out of my room where i have dictatorial rulership over the sea monkey civilisation that i have carefully nurtured from a $24.95 bag of eggs which i bought at 7-11 to a bustling metropolis with an unhealthy interest in bukkake, folded paper and chowing down on marine creatures raw. I then hopped onto my pterodactyl megazord and made my way to a coffeeshop in Potong Pasir.
The band in person displayed an almost alien sense of humor to native singaporeans which proved almost offensive and unacceptable in our own established decorum. Maybe its the three seasons of living with lydia that we have secretly/passively encouraged to be prolonged that has killed off our tolerance and ability to appreciate actual giggle worthy humor. Relating their encounter with irate Mcdonald's staff who told them off for behaving "like an american" and then getting labeled "lame" by "requested to be anonymous" voluntary viewers of the interview footage is proof enough of the rift between asian conservative chuckles and the modern satiric-hyperbolic cocktail of humor.
Shameer, the most charming of the three, joked about how "i heard that when the (hall)doors opened, a hot air of steam rose out" after someone commented about how stuffy the venue of their previous gig was. Lead singer Nico's anemic reply to the question "what inspires you when you write your lyrics" was met with a frank protest by the resident american-indian punk- rocker as he teased, "dude, its an interview! make something up! make it sound smart!"
Nico, notably the looker of the band appeared reserved and jittery, fumbled with a few questions and was fortunately saved a number of times by band member, Shameer. Titus however, looked comfortable and exuded that boyish, slightly-goofy charm as he posed for photographs and answered questions in his eager ear-to-ear grin.
The band collectively disagreed about being "the next" or "another" Pug Jelly, declaring instead the preference to be synonymous with the definition of pop-punk that Simple Plan has established themselves to be. When quizzed further, Shameer reasoned that "because both our band names start with an S" , prompting Titus's turn to remark that "that was the lamest thing ever dude!"
The band's unintentional, politically-correct disposition of members happens to be "regardless of
race, language or religion and for happiness and equality"(band members are malay, chinese, indian and eurasian), much to their gleeful delight. Although missing member, Faris, a malaysian wasnt there to be critically, unfairly judged and assessed by the crew of prosaic, the band has, overall, stifled laughter and all, charmed my socks off.
links : Set for glory
Monday, May 16, 2005
DAY 1:
It wasn’t my fault that I was imprisoned in a glass case of emotions. Feelings suppressed and constricted by glass walls and greedy goldfishes that gobbled up every fish pellet or flake in their sights, my months in this filthy water-world were always about survival of the fittest. The Goldfish Bourgeois finishing every bit of fish pellets before they reach to mid-feeder level and the Genghis Tiger Barbs were chomping away the fins of us weaker species.
My only place for solace was a small bottle cap thrown in the same day I was sent to this Aquatic hell. This bottle cap however will be the centre of a much needed power shift. Months have gone, and now I feel the need for a coming of a new era. The dawn of a new world is inevitable. It is time for the TETRA REVOLUTION.
DAY 2:
Went to meet up with some tetras sucking on some flavored gravel at the bed. Guess that’s the only food supply left. Heard from them that some Mongolian tiger barbs came and ate part of their tail. Sick bastard barbs. I curse their stupid mono-toned stripes. This was enough to get my cold blood boiling. Until suddenly I saw the most painful scene in my entire months of life. A group of young tetras lying on a hard plastic Hydrilla. They were dying of hunger. I knew we had to take on those fat goldfishes one day. I also knew before being dumped into this fish tank that the master Gobinut had a supply of miniature AK-47 rifles for his hamster cheer-leading brigade on the other side of the glass. What he didn’t know was that these supply have been passed on to me by his hamsters who were fun-loving, peaceful and gay. I tried to gather the hungry and half-eaten tetras first. I knew they would be easily hyped up to my ideologies having facing painful times. They wanted a change. They wanted the filters to run red…. With goldfish blood!
DAY3:
Today is the most memorable day ever. A most pivotal part of this great revolution. I have just rallied the tetras behind the filters where no fish would notice. Issuing them the AK-47 rifles all they needed was a great motivating speech by me before the mass killings! “ Hear me my tetra brothers! D-day is now! No more will there be imbalance in this tank! No more will there be famine for us tetras! No more shall there be fear in our eyes ever again! Our children will live free! This will be our fish tank! Our world!!
We began our massacre once Master Gobinut left after throwing loads of fish pellets in the tank. As usual the goldfishes instantaneously arrived to gobble up everything. From below we fired our rounds. They didn’t see it coming! One by one they died. One by one they cried ‘Oh great goldfish jesus! Have mercy on us all!’
(to be continued)
----------------------------------------------------------------
a project by Muhajir Mobb the cashier, affectionately called Mobinut by me..
this piece was inspired by my testimonial for him which totally kicked ass...
muhajir feeds on plankton and keeps a red pouch on his abdomen to attract mates(puffed up for full effect).. i kept him in a fish bowl once, but he escaped by inciting a neon tetra revolution in the neighboring tank.. however orwellian, he installed himself as marine dictator and keeps a harem of snapping turtles now.. you horny piece of casserol you!
Monday, May 09, 2005
What will we ever do without HipHop, RNB and influential black culture?
Once upon a time there lived a boy named Azmi, this boy was well-known throughout the medieval, plague-stricken land for his famed double chin. "It had the power to tame even the wildest flames!!!", one extensively circulated legend exclaimed, among numerous others. "It has the power to tame my heart!", that, not mouthed by the impoverished, fable-weaving peasantry intent on glorifying this double-chinned young man but by the princess of yore, from the kingdom of all things nice,edible and gangsta, Princess Zainal "IN DA CLUB" Abidin.
Princess Zainal lived in a tower-prison, kept on a diet of baked Irish pheasants and assorted small mammals. The tower's spire touched the clouds, encircled by mutated-hellspawn vultures and no one was allowed near the tower except for the one guard, who happened to be a fire-breathing dragon, keeping with all the good spirit of conventional fairytales.
Azmi the valiant, double-chinned hero, of course leapt at the chance to rescue the delectable Princess Zainal who by now had honed his artistic, poetic talent through years of lonely song-writing in a drafty tower bedroom. The Princess sultrily warbled her self-penned siren song to her imminent escape from prison life. She had anticipated the arrival of the hero, Azmi and with magnificent talent-quest-grade intonations, belted out her latest lyrical wonder.. "You're gonna say OOHHHHHHHH... cos thats gonna be the sound thats when we going down...(1*)" The pyrokinetic dragon outside nodded agreeingly with the Princess's "illest rhymes", primarily due to him mistaking the song as a seduction attempt at his handsome self. "Stop right there Grrrrrllllfreennn! You talk to the hand cos the face don want to hear it!", the dragon shouted back because he didnt want to be too "easy", which in modern parlance would mean being a harlot, almost passing as acceptable to the giant mythic reptile cos he wanted to be a "HO" instead, even though both perform the same damned services. "All that and a bag of potato chips!!!" the dragon punctuated, all smug about his brilliant wit.
(to be continued)
"welcome to my candy shop y'all.. "
(1*) - taken from Omarion B2k's song about "going down" and all the usual gangsta merrymaking
Once upon a time there lived a boy named Azmi, this boy was well-known throughout the medieval, plague-stricken land for his famed double chin. "It had the power to tame even the wildest flames!!!", one extensively circulated legend exclaimed, among numerous others. "It has the power to tame my heart!", that, not mouthed by the impoverished, fable-weaving peasantry intent on glorifying this double-chinned young man but by the princess of yore, from the kingdom of all things nice,edible and gangsta, Princess Zainal "IN DA CLUB" Abidin.
Princess Zainal lived in a tower-prison, kept on a diet of baked Irish pheasants and assorted small mammals. The tower's spire touched the clouds, encircled by mutated-hellspawn vultures and no one was allowed near the tower except for the one guard, who happened to be a fire-breathing dragon, keeping with all the good spirit of conventional fairytales.
Azmi the valiant, double-chinned hero, of course leapt at the chance to rescue the delectable Princess Zainal who by now had honed his artistic, poetic talent through years of lonely song-writing in a drafty tower bedroom. The Princess sultrily warbled her self-penned siren song to her imminent escape from prison life. She had anticipated the arrival of the hero, Azmi and with magnificent talent-quest-grade intonations, belted out her latest lyrical wonder.. "You're gonna say OOHHHHHHHH... cos thats gonna be the sound thats when we going down...(1*)" The pyrokinetic dragon outside nodded agreeingly with the Princess's "illest rhymes", primarily due to him mistaking the song as a seduction attempt at his handsome self. "Stop right there Grrrrrllllfreennn! You talk to the hand cos the face don want to hear it!", the dragon shouted back because he didnt want to be too "easy", which in modern parlance would mean being a harlot, almost passing as acceptable to the giant mythic reptile cos he wanted to be a "HO" instead, even though both perform the same damned services. "All that and a bag of potato chips!!!" the dragon punctuated, all smug about his brilliant wit.
(to be continued)
"welcome to my candy shop y'all.. "
(1*) - taken from Omarion B2k's song about "going down" and all the usual gangsta merrymaking
Friday, April 29, 2005
This post is dedicated to a classmate of mine back in school, Dhanalatchmi..
She did a site with the intention of converting every classmate of hers , including me and Azmi into superheroes.. Its kinda cute really... considering im already one...
the link here
an extract from the site...
Ok so i made that last one up but thats not important... what is, is that i am on the verge of being crowned god-king of Bhutan after i murder the current one with my patented energy field detection specimen of a mind, although i am entirely unsure of how that would kill him, but lets not dwell on that... moving on.. Its also needed to be let known that my birth name is Shabdrung Ngawang Namgyel really... which totally kicks ass if you think about it....
Other highlights of this site are the wallpapers...
Im currently waiting for the hip-hop/fantasy themed wallpapers of me to be completed... probably depicting me ruling over my subjects with cotton candy compassion and toodley-doo grade niceness while being dressed up in pasty yellow spandex, the attire of kings!
she is definitely a head-turner.. mmmmm....
Subliminal erotic stimulation or just quality hip-hop lyrics?
Alicia keys's asexual reproduction goes thru a glitch
once again.. the link here
enjoy and good night!
She did a site with the intention of converting every classmate of hers , including me and Azmi into superheroes.. Its kinda cute really... considering im already one...
the link here
an extract from the site...
Male Mutants
Real Name: Ridzal Zinal Abidin
Character Name: Shabdrung Ngawang Namgyel (God King of Bhutan)
Date of Birth: May 25, 2003
Height: 187cm
Weight: 75kg
Hair Colour: Mahogany
Eye Colour: Honey
Powers: possesses superhuman strength, speed and agility (Has the ability to fly), an incredible martial artist and able to see energy fields with his mind
Real Name: Khairul Azmi
Character Name: Lestat
Date of Birth: Sometime in 1716
Height: 186cm
Weight: 71kg
Hair Colour: Dark brown
Eye Colour: True Sapphire
Powers: Is a Vampire, Invulnerable to Mortal weapons (except weapons made of pure silver), great physical strength, eternal life, produce Glamour energy (Hypnotic Voice) and able to multiply his species by contaminating their blood.
Real Name: Zainal Abidin Character Name: Captain Berg Date of Birth: Sometime in 1985 Height: 168cm Weight: 90kg Hair Colour: Dark brown Eye Colour: Ruby Red Powers: Incapable of bowel control and looking so devilishly good in dim lighting (interior of clubbing venues)
Ok so i made that last one up but thats not important... what is, is that i am on the verge of being crowned god-king of Bhutan after i murder the current one with my patented energy field detection specimen of a mind, although i am entirely unsure of how that would kill him, but lets not dwell on that... moving on.. Its also needed to be let known that my birth name is Shabdrung Ngawang Namgyel really... which totally kicks ass if you think about it....
Other highlights of this site are the wallpapers...
Im currently waiting for the hip-hop/fantasy themed wallpapers of me to be completed... probably depicting me ruling over my subjects with cotton candy compassion and toodley-doo grade niceness while being dressed up in pasty yellow spandex, the attire of kings!
she is definitely a head-turner.. mmmmm....
Subliminal erotic stimulation or just quality hip-hop lyrics?
Alicia keys's asexual reproduction goes thru a glitch
once again.. the link here
enjoy and good night!
Monday, April 25, 2005
for the amount of time between now and my last post... ive been training my bulbasaur into a mean and awesome fighting force... i have quelled it's latent homosexual attraction to charizard and beefed up its scrawny vine-arms with GNC supplements into trunks equalling moses lim's jolly girth...
"go bulbasaur! oops i mean moses lim..."
I have also been multi tasking... due to my talent and proficiency in the obscure art of MSPaint-ing.. i have set up my very own MS-paint potrait business... here are the harvests of my proverbial sowing...
from this....
to this....
charming innit? and i plan to do more... too...
the willing subject in my promotional piece is none other than my camp mate, fauzi... and with the lengthy introduction aside... this post is all about a cool new idea suggested by this adorably plump little fella.. he told us all to draw "A BURNING UNICORN" and so we did.... actually these two girls did... and here they are...
a drawing by my friend nilofer
this picture suggests the activity of something thats probably illegal... the artist has chosen herself to be represented by her snake-like rendition of a "unicorn"... serpentine metaphors suggesting sexual misconduct probably manifesting in its impending assault on a questionably drawn goat... but like all women... she is fickle and undecided of her sexual orientation... reflected by her attaching a question mark to the "kambing" caption next to it... she reveals her ambitious nature in her speech bubble as flames consume her.. probably reflecting her own suppressed desires in real life... or the flames could just be divine intervention, where god shares my opinion that inter-species coupling should not occur... especially when it involves a unicorn-hydra hybrid.. god then chose to document his wit and wisdom in the one liner.. "BURN BABY BURN"...
overall, a charming piece... id print it on my bolster to hug it to bed with me... whee whee...
a drawing by my friend, rafeeza
this pseudo-hieroglyphic drawing came off pretty cool.. the dark tone of the poeticly beautiful art is further accentuated with the devil-may-care attitude of the stray and untamed follicles on the rear of the cannibalistic unicorn.. clearly, this mythic creature is a collaboration between the greek and egyptian gods... or maybe the mutant spawn of HORUS, ATHENA and lydia sum... no matter what it is, i want to marry it.. and if my parents disagree, we'd elope and have bountiful offspring in a prolific marriage under the beautiful midday sun.... oh! the thought of it! the poetic verse framed left and bottom by the quadreped's undesirable physical characteristics displays the artist's confidence with her appeal and talent, somewhat of shakesperean proportions of course! excellent! id pay to see another one.... id also pay for her to make me some sensual sandwiches but.. thats another story for another day...
in all... a rather marvellous piece to be dipped in caramel and eaten with chocolate rice!
"go bulbasaur! oops i mean moses lim..."
I have also been multi tasking... due to my talent and proficiency in the obscure art of MSPaint-ing.. i have set up my very own MS-paint potrait business... here are the harvests of my proverbial sowing...
from this.... to this....charming innit? and i plan to do more... too...
the willing subject in my promotional piece is none other than my camp mate, fauzi... and with the lengthy introduction aside... this post is all about a cool new idea suggested by this adorably plump little fella.. he told us all to draw "A BURNING UNICORN" and so we did.... actually these two girls did... and here they are...
a drawing by my friend nilofer
this picture suggests the activity of something thats probably illegal... the artist has chosen herself to be represented by her snake-like rendition of a "unicorn"... serpentine metaphors suggesting sexual misconduct probably manifesting in its impending assault on a questionably drawn goat... but like all women... she is fickle and undecided of her sexual orientation... reflected by her attaching a question mark to the "kambing" caption next to it... she reveals her ambitious nature in her speech bubble as flames consume her.. probably reflecting her own suppressed desires in real life... or the flames could just be divine intervention, where god shares my opinion that inter-species coupling should not occur... especially when it involves a unicorn-hydra hybrid.. god then chose to document his wit and wisdom in the one liner.. "BURN BABY BURN"...
overall, a charming piece... id print it on my bolster to hug it to bed with me... whee whee...
a drawing by my friend, rafeeza
this pseudo-hieroglyphic drawing came off pretty cool.. the dark tone of the poeticly beautiful art is further accentuated with the devil-may-care attitude of the stray and untamed follicles on the rear of the cannibalistic unicorn.. clearly, this mythic creature is a collaboration between the greek and egyptian gods... or maybe the mutant spawn of HORUS, ATHENA and lydia sum... no matter what it is, i want to marry it.. and if my parents disagree, we'd elope and have bountiful offspring in a prolific marriage under the beautiful midday sun.... oh! the thought of it! the poetic verse framed left and bottom by the quadreped's undesirable physical characteristics displays the artist's confidence with her appeal and talent, somewhat of shakesperean proportions of course! excellent! id pay to see another one.... id also pay for her to make me some sensual sandwiches but.. thats another story for another day...
in all... a rather marvellous piece to be dipped in caramel and eaten with chocolate rice!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Toodles dee doo everyone that I love so dearly,no matter what race you are.Indian,Chinese,Eurasian,regardles of race,language or religion so as to build a society based on justice and equality and progress for our nation. This is your favourite music journalist,Zainal Abidin,reporting. Yes,i did commit suicide a few months ago but I was resurrected by God on last Friday and on the following Sunday,He told me that I had a new vocation in life as the second coming of the Messiah . Fuck,I hate that job. I'd thought i'd be walking around with thunderbolts on my fists and wearing Greek robes ala Zeus but apparently the Second Coming Of The Messiah uniform sucked ass. And adding divine insult to injury,i had to carry two babies who kept shitting non-stop on my arm but I couldnt electrocute their asses because they were God's children.
Me and the enfant terribles at The Garden Of Eden
So God was sleeping today and i took time to skive off to use the Internet which was forbidden strictly as God decreed that the Internet was pure evil. The Almighty even said that the initials of "www" stands for "wery wery wicked"which was totally uncanny(He had a problem pronouncing the letter V). The responsibilty of becoming The Second Coming of The Messiah obviously took a toll on me and i admit that i have been a little wee bit decadent in my music report. I was thinking of doing a review on Ahli Fiqir's single but that was too easy to make fun of. I hope that the readers of this blog are pop-savvy enough to have ,at least, heard of The Dandy Warhols who had a minor hit on our radio a few years ago and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. These two bands used to be chummy with each other before the lead singers started developing strong sexual feelings with each other. Now they're sworn enemies like The Jedi and The Sith. Well,I am pleased to inform our readers that we actually have a Singaporean version of this tragic love/hate story and it invlves one of totallyawesomedude's affiliates,Syed Idzwan.
What started out as a romantic Satanist fairytale degenerated into a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. It all started out when Idzwan dabbled in Black Metal when he ws 14. During that time,he was still an impressionable teenager whose sexuality was quite ambiguous as you can probably see from the picture.
During this period of time,Idzwan's black metal band called Beast Goes To Yun Nam had a charismatic and an enigma of a frontman who just wants to be known as Beast.
Beast was a renowned lyricist and songwriter in the underground black metal scene after writing classics such as "Satan's Hair Is Center-Parting Too!".
A sample of his lyrics
"I'm in a dark place with dragons everywhere
i couldnt see clearly so i flicked my hair
it burns,it burns,and i can see the devil
it turns,it turns,amidts the rubble
and i was astounded by the black nature of truth
Satan's hair is centre-parting too!"
Mutual admiration for each other led Beast and Idzwan to spend more time with each other after jamming sessions and even though it is taboo in the world of rock for a guitarist and the lead singer to develop a relationship,nobody could convince these star-crossed lovers that their love cannot and will not be possible.
Alas! It was not meant to last. Beast was impregnated and in the father of all cliches(pun intended) Idzwan refused to take responsibility after dropping the classic line
"How can i be sure the baby is mine and not some Yun Nam Hair Care specialist's?!"
This led to the abortion of the baby and these two characters have been sworn enemies since.
This saga was dormant like the volcano at Kubang Perahu in Bandung until The Beast discovered Azmi's blog at www.thehoohoos.blogspot.com and proceeded to invade the tagboard.
He started by posting a physical threat in reference to a picture at Azmi's blog where Idzwan was wearing a blue shirt.
<Beast>: watch out the guy in blue
to which i curiously enquired
<zainal>: wah..this beast black metal centre-parting one ah?
to which he intelligently and eloquently replied,showing coherent links in his choice of subjects
<Beast>: wah...this zainal loves anal rite? pope is dead...u can try superman's ass
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???? Forgive me for the question marks.But i'm truly baffled.??????????????????????????
Azmi then decided to reply to his hate tags
<Azmi luv Beastiality>: aiya beast, stop calling urself a superhero can? all u can do is stay within a 5m radius of the guy in blue and stare with ur nostrils flaring.. so brutal one!!!
which was made after Idzwan and Yazid actually saw The Beast within a 5 metre radius and they were expecting him to at least hurl black metal wizard curses at them but he didnt.
He then replied to Azmi's tag explaining that he couldnt perform his shaman wizardy there due to the presence of the precious Gem Of Skeletal Sarcophagus which neutralized his spells.
<Beast>: HAHAHAH i can see the fear in his eyes. and that black nigga...trying to be cool. hey dogs, lucky the gem was there. 5m? wow..if only i could get neare. MAY BE NEXT TIME !
but not before giving Azmi some Clean And Clear Tips brought to you by the good people at Johnson & Johnsons.
<Beast>: Hey azmi... y not u go to watsons and check out the latest facial wash?
Azmi took his advice and went further by even changing his surname from Jasni to Watsons.
<Azmie Watsons>: haha what a wimp! fancy blowing ur mouth off on the net when u quiver as we bat our eyelids at u in public.. now now i have many reasons to get personal with ur physical profile, but i'm a reasonable person,aren't I? hehe
Having seen him in person once at the bus-stop outside my school after Perjumpaan Hari Raya and Annual Conference of Mat-Mat Sachok Maintain organized By Ridzal,i gave him some tips on personal hygiene and haircare.
<zainal>: should we buy you a brush and an iron maiden cd so u can comb your hair while headbang at the same time? and u can gently part your pubic hair too..oops..you already have that on your head..
A reader of azmi's blog who prefer to remain anonymous then attempted to intervene,being of the opinion that Yun Nam gave sub-par service and that i shouldnt recommend it to The Beast as he might mutate into a sewer rat.
<worried passerby>: man , u guys are realli unhappy with each other , i see.. anyway, i think the reason why this beast guy is so gung-ho could be that he probably has a bouncer of a girlfriend..correct me if i'm wrong.. but i'm sure i'm not lar.
i'd thought that his girlfriend had perfect hair anyway so i said
<zainal>: dude,with all due respect,i dont think we should involve anybody's girlfriends in this one..even if the person being mentioned has pubes on his head which needs constant rebonding and monthly trips to Yun Nam haircare..
Beast was so happy with my recommendation that he started hallucinating about talking dogs which was a side effect of the Yun Nam Pubic Hair Treatment which also included bad spelling,incoherent rambling about African-Americans and typing out "HAHAHAHAH!!!" as if a simple "LOL!!!" couldn't do the trick.
<Beast>: HAHAHAHAH!!! this is getting very interesting..instead of the guy in blue....its his dogs that are talking!!! theses are wat frends are for rite? hey zainal i no u r as ugly as azmi's ass and cant get laid.U need some facial too? u can get from that nigga
in order to improve his English,I adviced him to read Sweet Valley High and being concerned for him after Idzwan dumped him,I told him that watching Spy Kids 3D is best watched with technicolor 3D shades so it wont hurt his eyes.
<zainal>: wow.."ugly" insults..that's pretty original considering that you spend your time reading Sweet Valley High and wanking off to Spy Kids 3D in technicolor shades after black metal jamming practice.
Apparently the side effect of the Yun Nam Hair Treatment has not worn off yet so he kept on ranting andraving about African-Americans,wind instruments,and using the word "balls" twice.
"Balls"! Twice! That hasnt been done before since God said to Adam "I shall create thee with beautiful balls!"
to which Adam replied "Huh? I cant hear you..." to which God bellowed "I said BALLS lah!"
<Beast>: HAHAHHA! wow thats a fast reply..i bet u got no life and wait at the comp for the beast's reply. kudos!!! instead of blowing the nigga's rod..maybe u can learn the harmonica?
<Beast>: hey worried passerby...now u should really be worried..u aint got the balls son!
<Beast>: Hey azmi......dont talk bout getting physical...u will regret it boy.
<Beast>: Enough of this blog shit...the dog is forever hiding... SEE U SOON BOY!......if u got the balls
And just for kicks,here somebody who's got so much balls,it totally justifies his smug face. I mean,he's a tupperware model!
Signing off,
Zainal Abidin
Me and the enfant terribles at The Garden Of Eden
So God was sleeping today and i took time to skive off to use the Internet which was forbidden strictly as God decreed that the Internet was pure evil. The Almighty even said that the initials of "www" stands for "wery wery wicked"which was totally uncanny(He had a problem pronouncing the letter V). The responsibilty of becoming The Second Coming of The Messiah obviously took a toll on me and i admit that i have been a little wee bit decadent in my music report. I was thinking of doing a review on Ahli Fiqir's single but that was too easy to make fun of. I hope that the readers of this blog are pop-savvy enough to have ,at least, heard of The Dandy Warhols who had a minor hit on our radio a few years ago and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. These two bands used to be chummy with each other before the lead singers started developing strong sexual feelings with each other. Now they're sworn enemies like The Jedi and The Sith. Well,I am pleased to inform our readers that we actually have a Singaporean version of this tragic love/hate story and it invlves one of totallyawesomedude's affiliates,Syed Idzwan.
What started out as a romantic Satanist fairytale degenerated into a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. It all started out when Idzwan dabbled in Black Metal when he ws 14. During that time,he was still an impressionable teenager whose sexuality was quite ambiguous as you can probably see from the picture.
During this period of time,Idzwan's black metal band called Beast Goes To Yun Nam had a charismatic and an enigma of a frontman who just wants to be known as Beast.
Beast was a renowned lyricist and songwriter in the underground black metal scene after writing classics such as "Satan's Hair Is Center-Parting Too!".
A sample of his lyrics
"I'm in a dark place with dragons everywhere
i couldnt see clearly so i flicked my hair
it burns,it burns,and i can see the devil
it turns,it turns,amidts the rubble
and i was astounded by the black nature of truth
Satan's hair is centre-parting too!"
Mutual admiration for each other led Beast and Idzwan to spend more time with each other after jamming sessions and even though it is taboo in the world of rock for a guitarist and the lead singer to develop a relationship,nobody could convince these star-crossed lovers that their love cannot and will not be possible.
Alas! It was not meant to last. Beast was impregnated and in the father of all cliches(pun intended) Idzwan refused to take responsibility after dropping the classic line
"How can i be sure the baby is mine and not some Yun Nam Hair Care specialist's?!"
This led to the abortion of the baby and these two characters have been sworn enemies since.
This saga was dormant like the volcano at Kubang Perahu in Bandung until The Beast discovered Azmi's blog at www.thehoohoos.blogspot.com and proceeded to invade the tagboard.
He started by posting a physical threat in reference to a picture at Azmi's blog where Idzwan was wearing a blue shirt.
<Beast>: watch out the guy in blue
to which i curiously enquired
<zainal>: wah..this beast black metal centre-parting one ah?
to which he intelligently and eloquently replied,showing coherent links in his choice of subjects
<Beast>: wah...this zainal loves anal rite? pope is dead...u can try superman's ass
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???? Forgive me for the question marks.But i'm truly baffled.??????????????????????????
Azmi then decided to reply to his hate tags
<Azmi luv Beastiality>: aiya beast, stop calling urself a superhero can? all u can do is stay within a 5m radius of the guy in blue and stare with ur nostrils flaring.. so brutal one!!!
which was made after Idzwan and Yazid actually saw The Beast within a 5 metre radius and they were expecting him to at least hurl black metal wizard curses at them but he didnt.
He then replied to Azmi's tag explaining that he couldnt perform his shaman wizardy there due to the presence of the precious Gem Of Skeletal Sarcophagus which neutralized his spells.
<Beast>: HAHAHAH i can see the fear in his eyes. and that black nigga...trying to be cool. hey dogs, lucky the gem was there. 5m? wow..if only i could get neare. MAY BE NEXT TIME !
but not before giving Azmi some Clean And Clear Tips brought to you by the good people at Johnson & Johnsons.
<Beast>: Hey azmi... y not u go to watsons and check out the latest facial wash?
Azmi took his advice and went further by even changing his surname from Jasni to Watsons.
<Azmie Watsons>: haha what a wimp! fancy blowing ur mouth off on the net when u quiver as we bat our eyelids at u in public.. now now i have many reasons to get personal with ur physical profile, but i'm a reasonable person,aren't I? hehe
Having seen him in person once at the bus-stop outside my school after Perjumpaan Hari Raya and Annual Conference of Mat-Mat Sachok Maintain organized By Ridzal,i gave him some tips on personal hygiene and haircare.
<zainal>: should we buy you a brush and an iron maiden cd so u can comb your hair while headbang at the same time? and u can gently part your pubic hair too..oops..you already have that on your head..
A reader of azmi's blog who prefer to remain anonymous then attempted to intervene,being of the opinion that Yun Nam gave sub-par service and that i shouldnt recommend it to The Beast as he might mutate into a sewer rat.
<worried passerby>: man , u guys are realli unhappy with each other , i see.. anyway, i think the reason why this beast guy is so gung-ho could be that he probably has a bouncer of a girlfriend..correct me if i'm wrong.. but i'm sure i'm not lar.
i'd thought that his girlfriend had perfect hair anyway so i said
<zainal>: dude,with all due respect,i dont think we should involve anybody's girlfriends in this one..even if the person being mentioned has pubes on his head which needs constant rebonding and monthly trips to Yun Nam haircare..
Beast was so happy with my recommendation that he started hallucinating about talking dogs which was a side effect of the Yun Nam Pubic Hair Treatment which also included bad spelling,incoherent rambling about African-Americans and typing out "HAHAHAHAH!!!" as if a simple "LOL!!!" couldn't do the trick.
<Beast>: HAHAHAHAH!!! this is getting very interesting..instead of the guy in blue....its his dogs that are talking!!! theses are wat frends are for rite? hey zainal i no u r as ugly as azmi's ass and cant get laid.U need some facial too? u can get from that nigga
in order to improve his English,I adviced him to read Sweet Valley High and being concerned for him after Idzwan dumped him,I told him that watching Spy Kids 3D is best watched with technicolor 3D shades so it wont hurt his eyes.
<zainal>: wow.."ugly" insults..that's pretty original considering that you spend your time reading Sweet Valley High and wanking off to Spy Kids 3D in technicolor shades after black metal jamming practice.
Apparently the side effect of the Yun Nam Hair Treatment has not worn off yet so he kept on ranting andraving about African-Americans,wind instruments,and using the word "balls" twice.
"Balls"! Twice! That hasnt been done before since God said to Adam "I shall create thee with beautiful balls!"
to which Adam replied "Huh? I cant hear you..." to which God bellowed "I said BALLS lah!"
<Beast>: HAHAHHA! wow thats a fast reply..i bet u got no life and wait at the comp for the beast's reply. kudos!!! instead of blowing the nigga's rod..maybe u can learn the harmonica?
<Beast>: hey worried passerby...now u should really be worried..u aint got the balls son!
<Beast>: Hey azmi......dont talk bout getting physical...u will regret it boy.
<Beast>: Enough of this blog shit...the dog is forever hiding... SEE U SOON BOY!......if u got the balls
And just for kicks,here somebody who's got so much balls,it totally justifies his smug face. I mean,he's a tupperware model!
Signing off,
Zainal Abidin
Friday, April 01, 2005
You guys wont even understand this one...
Brawling with neanderthals equipped with neural schools of reason so gnawingly annoying that i was afraid they would spontaneously combust if divine intervention decidedly swoops to remove stupidity from this already fucked-up world.
a neanderthal
another neanderthal
Cursed with the luck of being attached to a dystopian tyrant, a term which only consoled due to its intended exaggeration. Sulky subordination to a guy I deemed moderately tolerable, only on a fair-weathered day of course. This guy seems like he pole-vaulted himself into his self-constructed racial-pride hall of fame.
His largely inflated sense of self-worth led to unwelcome announcements of his own greatness, which would include even snippets dating back to his pre-pubescent days. Like a thunderous bulk of self-promotion lugging its large mass around, periodically bursting out in ranting glorification of its own personal accomplishments.
Then there was the thankless, non-rewarding job of "taking the initiative" where the only acknowledgement to it was a mere "well done", implying some sort of default belief that it was indeed something you were expected to do, attacking and destroying the adage, "you get monkeys if you pay peanuts" considering there were no real incentives to improved work ethics except for perhaps, the ORD testimony at the end of it.
Of course, there is no stopping adopting that kind of super-worker mindset, even after considering that it would actually have begative effects, especially in the lower ranking strata where a super-worker will be dubbed too passionate and stupid, which i myself have to slightly agree. There is no visible, glaring determining factor, be it level of education or inherent "racial traits",its just that after a few months of "super-working", met only by peer excommunication and an occasional fuzzy wedgie, that enthusiasm simply fizzles out.
Likeable quirky characters, who may destinedly become good friends, mixed in the politically-correct ensemble(s) of this "progressive society" of ours however, make existing that much more enjoyable. If this does not outweigh the bulk of suffering directly or indirectly caused by the aforementioned problems, suicide would be a better alternative really. Evaluate yourself accordingly.
To describe it like i always do.
Using my ninja-agility and now 3 months-in of dodging the relentless volley of bullshit-laden projectiles in my camp,i was caught unawares by a wad of bazooka-spit which hit me like a truck in the face... Trying to steady myself from the impact only made it worse as i grew groggy from the head-on collision with ridiculous logic.
The odd-logic sentence interpreted themselves to me as "A level students bad...Diploma students good", mouthed by my lieutenant with matter-of-fact sincerity, perhaps a conviction
evidenced by his cocooned experiences in the military. In his attempt to understand individual work ethics, he has, with all maturity, classified NSFs under level of education and generalised everything based on badly researched examples. Word for word(or slightly exaggerated), "A level people should be pushed harder but Poly students good because they always take the initiative.. see like me.. i from poly what"
With furrowed eyebrows, i tried to understand.. but i collapsed from exhaustion and somehow drifted into a state of psychedelia where unnaturally colored- skies swirled with milky colors and nearby acacia trees talked jamaican..
image from:www.shareproject.net
Laying on the scented-grass, writing letters to a substitute for santa-claus, for superpowers to morph people into molasses.. great isnt it having a blog and yer own imagination...
wait.. maybe this post serves as a reminder for Azmi and Zainal as to how fucked up NS can be seeing how theyre enlisting soon..
Brawling with neanderthals equipped with neural schools of reason so gnawingly annoying that i was afraid they would spontaneously combust if divine intervention decidedly swoops to remove stupidity from this already fucked-up world.
a neanderthal
another neanderthal
Cursed with the luck of being attached to a dystopian tyrant, a term which only consoled due to its intended exaggeration. Sulky subordination to a guy I deemed moderately tolerable, only on a fair-weathered day of course. This guy seems like he pole-vaulted himself into his self-constructed racial-pride hall of fame.
His largely inflated sense of self-worth led to unwelcome announcements of his own greatness, which would include even snippets dating back to his pre-pubescent days. Like a thunderous bulk of self-promotion lugging its large mass around, periodically bursting out in ranting glorification of its own personal accomplishments.
Then there was the thankless, non-rewarding job of "taking the initiative" where the only acknowledgement to it was a mere "well done", implying some sort of default belief that it was indeed something you were expected to do, attacking and destroying the adage, "you get monkeys if you pay peanuts" considering there were no real incentives to improved work ethics except for perhaps, the ORD testimony at the end of it.
Of course, there is no stopping adopting that kind of super-worker mindset, even after considering that it would actually have begative effects, especially in the lower ranking strata where a super-worker will be dubbed too passionate and stupid, which i myself have to slightly agree. There is no visible, glaring determining factor, be it level of education or inherent "racial traits",its just that after a few months of "super-working", met only by peer excommunication and an occasional fuzzy wedgie, that enthusiasm simply fizzles out.
Likeable quirky characters, who may destinedly become good friends, mixed in the politically-correct ensemble(s) of this "progressive society" of ours however, make existing that much more enjoyable. If this does not outweigh the bulk of suffering directly or indirectly caused by the aforementioned problems, suicide would be a better alternative really. Evaluate yourself accordingly.
To describe it like i always do.
Using my ninja-agility and now 3 months-in of dodging the relentless volley of bullshit-laden projectiles in my camp,i was caught unawares by a wad of bazooka-spit which hit me like a truck in the face... Trying to steady myself from the impact only made it worse as i grew groggy from the head-on collision with ridiculous logic.
The odd-logic sentence interpreted themselves to me as "A level students bad...Diploma students good", mouthed by my lieutenant with matter-of-fact sincerity, perhaps a conviction
evidenced by his cocooned experiences in the military. In his attempt to understand individual work ethics, he has, with all maturity, classified NSFs under level of education and generalised everything based on badly researched examples. Word for word(or slightly exaggerated), "A level people should be pushed harder but Poly students good because they always take the initiative.. see like me.. i from poly what"
With furrowed eyebrows, i tried to understand.. but i collapsed from exhaustion and somehow drifted into a state of psychedelia where unnaturally colored- skies swirled with milky colors and nearby acacia trees talked jamaican..
image from:www.shareproject.net
Laying on the scented-grass, writing letters to a substitute for santa-claus, for superpowers to morph people into molasses.. great isnt it having a blog and yer own imagination...
wait.. maybe this post serves as a reminder for Azmi and Zainal as to how fucked up NS can be seeing how theyre enlisting soon..
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I had to write an essay for a chance to get into NTU's art media design course, so i risked it all by carbombing the professors there with this gem...
fresh out of the warm, safe and caring womb of my pre-university institution to the "real world" that our teachers have warned us about. I could almost hear somebody shout "lock and load" as we cautiously stepped out of the school compounds as if signifying preparation for the "rat race", another legend circulated by our esteemed educators.
i had meticulously planned my career route and where i would be 'ten years from now', a skill sharpened from the many mandatory motivational seminars and courses i had to grudgingly attend. So, i wrote down random professions on small pieces of paper and mixed them all in a hat, i decided that i had to be serious about this as it was my future thats at stake. I destinedly picked "artist", but the only thing i knew about art was the generic beret and goatee stereotype i sometimes doodled while writing internet erotic fan fiction.
Totally ignoring the fact that i included that piece of information about my interesting pasttime activities which risked offending someone, i continue with my thoughts about a potential bohemian lifestyle. I had picked NTU's art media design course as, according to students there, the canteen sold fine cottage cheese. Armed with high expectations of fermented milk and an over-idealised opinion of an artist's life, i day-dreamed in my own post-degree projection of events like directing a tribute season of Living With Lydia, a singaporean sitcom so kick-ass-grade good, it made it into its third season here, seriously. Please let me realise my dreams of influencing pop culture and doing my part to corrupt impressionable youths with mass media. Ill be your maid for one month, ok two tops..
if that failed.. i was willing to try this instead...
"Okay... so I walk out of the office about to leave the building when I hear this woman's voice coming from another room. Sounded as though she was by herself talking on the phone... which she was, when I looked through the door of the empty room/kitchen area to find a SUPER HOT girl on the phone talking to whoever.She was in the room with her incredible ass, I'm just thinking "wow, she's alone, I hope she farts, imagine what her farts smell like?"As SOON as I left the bathroom I heard a door shut, hoping it was her shutting the door to the office she returned to. So I walk quickly to the room with the lights off, I walked over near the chair where she sat....
As soon as I walked over near the chair I smelled a mixture between perfume and farts... the air hovering over the chair was definitely funky. I leaned down and smelled the seat where the super hot girls amazing ass sat for at least 5 minutes straight...
It smelled like pure girl farts... a strong fart essence was present in the felt padded seat cushion, I started buggin out. I kept smelling the cushion for as long as the smell's odor retained it's embodiment. I was in heaven with the sexy fumes that only lasted a couple of minutes. I buried my face into the seat cushion smelling this HOT girls candy farts. I was so happy that day.
It was the whole aspect that she was in that room totally comfortable, she knew nobody was around, and God knows how many farts she let out, if she enjoyed the smell, or what. I caught her farts and she had no idea, it's great when that happens. I intend on continuing my trips to this office."
i didnt write this piece of literature, but chances are, it was one of those other applicants .. which automaticaly casts me in a positive light.. so how about it? admission beckons?
*nudge nudge wink wink*
fresh out of the warm, safe and caring womb of my pre-university institution to the "real world" that our teachers have warned us about. I could almost hear somebody shout "lock and load" as we cautiously stepped out of the school compounds as if signifying preparation for the "rat race", another legend circulated by our esteemed educators.
i had meticulously planned my career route and where i would be 'ten years from now', a skill sharpened from the many mandatory motivational seminars and courses i had to grudgingly attend. So, i wrote down random professions on small pieces of paper and mixed them all in a hat, i decided that i had to be serious about this as it was my future thats at stake. I destinedly picked "artist", but the only thing i knew about art was the generic beret and goatee stereotype i sometimes doodled while writing internet erotic fan fiction.
Totally ignoring the fact that i included that piece of information about my interesting pasttime activities which risked offending someone, i continue with my thoughts about a potential bohemian lifestyle. I had picked NTU's art media design course as, according to students there, the canteen sold fine cottage cheese. Armed with high expectations of fermented milk and an over-idealised opinion of an artist's life, i day-dreamed in my own post-degree projection of events like directing a tribute season of Living With Lydia, a singaporean sitcom so kick-ass-grade good, it made it into its third season here, seriously. Please let me realise my dreams of influencing pop culture and doing my part to corrupt impressionable youths with mass media. Ill be your maid for one month, ok two tops..
if that failed.. i was willing to try this instead...
"Okay... so I walk out of the office about to leave the building when I hear this woman's voice coming from another room. Sounded as though she was by herself talking on the phone... which she was, when I looked through the door of the empty room/kitchen area to find a SUPER HOT girl on the phone talking to whoever.She was in the room with her incredible ass, I'm just thinking "wow, she's alone, I hope she farts, imagine what her farts smell like?"As SOON as I left the bathroom I heard a door shut, hoping it was her shutting the door to the office she returned to. So I walk quickly to the room with the lights off, I walked over near the chair where she sat....
As soon as I walked over near the chair I smelled a mixture between perfume and farts... the air hovering over the chair was definitely funky. I leaned down and smelled the seat where the super hot girls amazing ass sat for at least 5 minutes straight...
It smelled like pure girl farts... a strong fart essence was present in the felt padded seat cushion, I started buggin out. I kept smelling the cushion for as long as the smell's odor retained it's embodiment. I was in heaven with the sexy fumes that only lasted a couple of minutes. I buried my face into the seat cushion smelling this HOT girls candy farts. I was so happy that day.
It was the whole aspect that she was in that room totally comfortable, she knew nobody was around, and God knows how many farts she let out, if she enjoyed the smell, or what. I caught her farts and she had no idea, it's great when that happens. I intend on continuing my trips to this office."
i didnt write this piece of literature, but chances are, it was one of those other applicants .. which automaticaly casts me in a positive light.. so how about it? admission beckons?
*nudge nudge wink wink*
Saturday, March 19, 2005
once again, i would like to introduce a new addition to the member list..
i love this guy so much, i have written a poem for him....
i love firdaus because he makes me smile
i like firdaus because he makes me laugh
i love firdaus because he has a nice voice
i absolutely like firdaus because of the bulge in his pants
*toodle~dee~do*
i love this guy so much, i have written a poem for him....
i love firdaus because he makes me smile
i like firdaus because he makes me laugh
i love firdaus because he has a nice voice
i absolutely like firdaus because of the bulge in his pants
*toodle~dee~do*
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
A while ago.. i dreamt i was zainal, rather, in zainal, kinda like in the movie "Being John Malkovich"(which totally rocked by the way).. anyway.. this was all i could remember........... ........... ............. ............ ........... .............
Message: Arahan : Jawab soalan berikut didalam
bahasa melayu!
SEBAIK SAJA BANGUN DARI TIDO
1.suara pertama yang didengar :
>>> budak budak dikir temasek (di radio lah! teehee)
2.perkara pertama yang dilakukan :
>>> menonton video cerita E.C
3.surat khabar yang selalu dibaca:
>>> berita harian kerana komik komik yang kelakar belaka!
4.sarapan kegemaran:
>>> benda benda yang halal la wah lau
5.lagu ideal untuk meletakkan "mood" :
>>> tipah tertipu oleh ruffedge! gerek sioott!!
APA BILA DI LUAR
1.perkara/eksesori yang mesti ada pada
saya :
>>> benda yang dipanggil "bling bling"
2.saya suka tengok :
>>> abang abang yang berg memakai tanjak golden! tak leh carry ah!
3.bila orang yg saya tak kenal tenung saya :
>>> hendak la dia menegur untuk bertanding dalam dikir barat version of "you got served"
4.saya paling tak mengerti apa bila orang :
>>> tidak menyembah saya
5.bila orang yg saya tak kenal menyinggung saya :
>>> saya akan menepuk dengan nyaring sekali kerana saya la harapan budaya melayu dan paling beradat
APABILA BERJUMPA DENGAN KAWAN
1.yang pendiam? -
>>> imran, kadang kala orang kata dia terkencet.. kalau dalam bahasa inggeris, di katakan "making skidmarks"
2.yang pandai berjenaka? -
>>> ni semua tak main ah jack!
3.yang kreatif? -
>>> kawan saya bernama firdaus yang sebetulnya penulis skrip "living with lydia" dan "E.C." serta penulis lirik untuk Ruffedge
4.yang paling bijak berbelanja? -
>>> saya sungguh malas menjawab
5.yang asal main sondol aje? -
>>> awak akan masuk neraka kalau asyik main sondol sahaja
MUSIK-TV
1.Lagu yang selalu dimain oleh saya :
>>> tipah tertipu oleh ruffedge.. kalau tidak.. "samseng" oleh Ahli Fiqir.. gerek TO THE MAX!
2.Kalau saya ada kumpulan nama kumpulan saya
ialah :
>>>" kalau korang tidak menyembah kita nampak sah masuk neraka"
3.saya lebih suka mendengar lagu di :
>>"ni semua tak main ah jack!"
4.kumpulan/penyanyi yang saya ingin
berduet bersama dengan :
>>> ahli ahli kumpulan ruffedge, dan awok awok dari dikir temasek.. handal sial...
5. image saya :
>>> macam mak kau nyer laki la bodoh! hrrghhuhuhahahah *snort* kecoh sioottt!!!!
6.cerita yang saya ingin lihat di kaca tv :
>>> E.C
7.rancangan yang paling tidak diminati :
>>> cerita cerita yang boleh buat kita masuk neraka
HAL EHWAL
1.saya tidak akan persoalkan cara :
>>> betapa tidak sachok orang lain
2.bapa saya ialah seorang :
>>> mat balding middle age crisis yang berlakon di dalam E.C
3.ibu saya gemar memasak :
>>>> lee kuan yew!!!
4.adik beradik saya suka :
>>> jadi hamba saya
5.almari saya memang :
>>> menyimpan baju baju sachok saya
MASA DEPAN
1.pada hari esok saya akan :
>>> activate budak budak
2.resolusi harian saya ialah:
>>> menjadi "berg" macam yazid(minah kerinting dalam E.C yang tidak suka mat salleh kerana bulu dada)
3.jika saya dapat gaji saya akan :
>>> pergi clubbing ah jack! macam tak biasa gitu..
4.saya tidak ingin terserempak dengan :
>>>> budak budak kental taik kuching ah!
5.apabila saya mati nanti, saya ingin
dikenali orang sebagai :
>>> abang angkong siao "activate budak budak" serta sachok dan berg
Message: Arahan : Jawab soalan berikut didalam
bahasa melayu!
SEBAIK SAJA BANGUN DARI TIDO
1.suara pertama yang didengar :
>>> budak budak dikir temasek (di radio lah! teehee)
2.perkara pertama yang dilakukan :
>>> menonton video cerita E.C
3.surat khabar yang selalu dibaca:
>>> berita harian kerana komik komik yang kelakar belaka!
4.sarapan kegemaran:
>>> benda benda yang halal la wah lau
5.lagu ideal untuk meletakkan "mood" :
>>> tipah tertipu oleh ruffedge! gerek sioott!!
APA BILA DI LUAR
1.perkara/eksesori yang mesti ada pada
saya :
>>> benda yang dipanggil "bling bling"
2.saya suka tengok :
>>> abang abang yang berg memakai tanjak golden! tak leh carry ah!
3.bila orang yg saya tak kenal tenung saya :
>>> hendak la dia menegur untuk bertanding dalam dikir barat version of "you got served"
4.saya paling tak mengerti apa bila orang :
>>> tidak menyembah saya
5.bila orang yg saya tak kenal menyinggung saya :
>>> saya akan menepuk dengan nyaring sekali kerana saya la harapan budaya melayu dan paling beradat
APABILA BERJUMPA DENGAN KAWAN
1.yang pendiam? -
>>> imran, kadang kala orang kata dia terkencet.. kalau dalam bahasa inggeris, di katakan "making skidmarks"
2.yang pandai berjenaka? -
>>> ni semua tak main ah jack!
3.yang kreatif? -
>>> kawan saya bernama firdaus yang sebetulnya penulis skrip "living with lydia" dan "E.C." serta penulis lirik untuk Ruffedge
4.yang paling bijak berbelanja? -
>>> saya sungguh malas menjawab
5.yang asal main sondol aje? -
>>> awak akan masuk neraka kalau asyik main sondol sahaja
MUSIK-TV
1.Lagu yang selalu dimain oleh saya :
>>> tipah tertipu oleh ruffedge.. kalau tidak.. "samseng" oleh Ahli Fiqir.. gerek TO THE MAX!
2.Kalau saya ada kumpulan nama kumpulan saya
ialah :
>>>" kalau korang tidak menyembah kita nampak sah masuk neraka"
3.saya lebih suka mendengar lagu di :
>>"ni semua tak main ah jack!"
4.kumpulan/penyanyi yang saya ingin
berduet bersama dengan :
>>> ahli ahli kumpulan ruffedge, dan awok awok dari dikir temasek.. handal sial...
5. image saya :
>>> macam mak kau nyer laki la bodoh! hrrghhuhuhahahah *snort* kecoh sioottt!!!!
6.cerita yang saya ingin lihat di kaca tv :
>>> E.C
7.rancangan yang paling tidak diminati :
>>> cerita cerita yang boleh buat kita masuk neraka
HAL EHWAL
1.saya tidak akan persoalkan cara :
>>> betapa tidak sachok orang lain
2.bapa saya ialah seorang :
>>> mat balding middle age crisis yang berlakon di dalam E.C
3.ibu saya gemar memasak :
>>>> lee kuan yew!!!
4.adik beradik saya suka :
>>> jadi hamba saya
5.almari saya memang :
>>> menyimpan baju baju sachok saya
MASA DEPAN
1.pada hari esok saya akan :
>>> activate budak budak
2.resolusi harian saya ialah:
>>> menjadi "berg" macam yazid(minah kerinting dalam E.C yang tidak suka mat salleh kerana bulu dada)
3.jika saya dapat gaji saya akan :
>>> pergi clubbing ah jack! macam tak biasa gitu..
4.saya tidak ingin terserempak dengan :
>>>> budak budak kental taik kuching ah!
5.apabila saya mati nanti, saya ingin
dikenali orang sebagai :
>>> abang angkong siao "activate budak budak" serta sachok dan berg
Monday, March 14, 2005
gosh... dont worry guys.. zainal survived because the paramedics found that he consumed less than the required amount of diapers lethal to humans.. in fact, he woke up and recovered right away
(it probably helped that i was in my most sexiest lingerie.. mmmm...)
anyway, ill show you a picture of him staring at my C cups..
be gentle with those thumbs now..
him again, being contented and "berg" at the same time..
the point of this post? reassurance regarding zainal's health and my resumed leeching on his soul
with that out of the way.. on to more important matters... my virtual social life..
you guys probably know anyway.. but for the uninitiated, friendster is acting fruity lately.. and i mean in a negative way..
a fruity pear. yes.
ill be damned if its gonna shut down on me...
Statistical acquaintance just a novelty?
hell no! it reflects how popular i am in real life.. all those strangers i blindly add as friends so that i can hit the maximum at *500* then start a "Ridzal II" account will all probably help me clean my hamster cage IF i asked 'em to.. They'll most likely give me a free gynae exam too while theyre at it..
and dont let me get started on those testimonials that look like my personal stamp collection. think about all those people ive coerced, blackmailed and sweet-talked into writing me one(or two or ten)... all my hard work socialising!
as a precautionary measure... i have decided to print out everyone of them testimonials, 3 hard copies each.. 1 set to be filed in a folder, another set to be pasted up on my front door(for the convenience of visitors!) and the last set to be pinned (loosely) to my spine(for easy flipping of pages)..
everyone will envy my palatial list of friends and testimonials..
i made the mistake of not doing this earlier and when friendster's server crashed a while ago... it seemed like Y2K really happened and like zainal, nearly took my own life.. Fortunately, bands which zainal and firdaus were affiliated to like Ruffedge and Ahli Fiqir saved me from certain damnation.. and yes zainal, Tipah tertipu is truly a great song indeed... if i didnt know better, i'd think that you penned it yerself.. you talented loaf of bread you....
(it probably helped that i was in my most sexiest lingerie.. mmmm...)
anyway, ill show you a picture of him staring at my C cups..
be gentle with those thumbs now..
him again, being contented and "berg" at the same time..
the point of this post? reassurance regarding zainal's health and my resumed leeching on his soul
with that out of the way.. on to more important matters... my virtual social life..
you guys probably know anyway.. but for the uninitiated, friendster is acting fruity lately.. and i mean in a negative way..
a fruity pear. yes.
ill be damned if its gonna shut down on me...
Statistical acquaintance just a novelty?
hell no! it reflects how popular i am in real life.. all those strangers i blindly add as friends so that i can hit the maximum at *500* then start a "Ridzal II" account will all probably help me clean my hamster cage IF i asked 'em to.. They'll most likely give me a free gynae exam too while theyre at it..
and dont let me get started on those testimonials that look like my personal stamp collection. think about all those people ive coerced, blackmailed and sweet-talked into writing me one(or two or ten)... all my hard work socialising!
as a precautionary measure... i have decided to print out everyone of them testimonials, 3 hard copies each.. 1 set to be filed in a folder, another set to be pasted up on my front door(for the convenience of visitors!) and the last set to be pinned (loosely) to my spine(for easy flipping of pages)..
everyone will envy my palatial list of friends and testimonials..
i made the mistake of not doing this earlier and when friendster's server crashed a while ago... it seemed like Y2K really happened and like zainal, nearly took my own life.. Fortunately, bands which zainal and firdaus were affiliated to like Ruffedge and Ahli Fiqir saved me from certain damnation.. and yes zainal, Tipah tertipu is truly a great song indeed... if i didnt know better, i'd think that you penned it yerself.. you talented loaf of bread you....
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Dear Ridzal,
This is a suicide note.By the time you read this,i will have consumed 3 packets of baby diapers preferably Huggies or if not,Pampers , 20 tabs of Panadol Menstrual and i have Ruffedge's Tipah Tertipu on repeat in my CD player.
Sometimes i wish you could see me when you're going out with other guys. When i'm biting my lips into a crimson river of emptiness. dark crimson red signifying blood. signifying life which has no meaing for me anymore. so dark.so black.so evanescence. life is meaningless when you use a passive-aggressive approcah to getting treats from me and then having sex with the soccer captain of Tampines Rovers Under-13 team while i stand there holding a handycam recording his every powerful thrust into you and you keep shouting at me,"Hold the camera steadily,you muthafucking pussy!". Life is meaningless and when life has no meaning it means that it provides me with a justification to take black masking tape and paste them over my nipples which are actually capable of milking baby rats.
You wouldnt know what my love for you has done to me.
You used to stand up for me whenever some 65 year old Chinese auntie asked me whether she could have the can of Coca-Cola which i had no more use for and you replied her question with a roundhouse kick to the ribs.I still have her picture right here with me
That memory remains like a scar on the right buttcheek of a fat man who got slashed while attempting to sit down on an Iron Chef armed with a meat cleaver.
It was the most memorable day of my life when we went out and took a walk by the seaside and you wore the blue sleeveless shirt that i bought for you and you fashioned your hair like a double curry puff.
I just want you to know that this friendship will last forever even though its killing me and by the time you read this post,i will be looking like this.
and in times like this only one song can articulate how suicidal i feel..
* Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu lagi
Bila berkata tentang tipah tertipu lagi
Jangan salahkan sesiapa, salahkan diri sendiri
Yang tahu menilai sesuatu yang baik, buruk dan rugi
cinta datang dan pergi jangan tergadai diri
Kau harus tahu dan kau harus fikir ha
Ini permainan bukan boleh diduga
C.A.T.A.K.A. pria pujangga pucuk kasam menggegarkan telinga
Azan mulakannya...
Kisah tipah ini satu pengajaran
Yang buat kita fikir, oh oh oh oh oh
Mulanya seperti kain yang suci
Tapi dicemari dunia keji
** Senang percaya si Jeffri, dia ditipu lelaki
Senang pula ubah hati, kerna dikikir emosi
Menipu sana sini, tanggung-tanggunglah sendiri
Bila problem dah menggunung
Tak ade yang dapat tolong
Selepas tertipu, dia yang menipu
Dan tipu sudah jadi hati dgn diri
Tipu dah tetipah, kerana selesa, dengan gaya hidupnya yang liar
Ulang **
Ulang *
Bila makin terdesak, tertipu, menipu
Menangis seorang diri, mengenang nasib
Yang rugi, tak suci
Dan lagi dan kini masa untuk kebenaran, muncul kembali
Kau sedar taktik kau dah lari, kau bersilih ganti
Sampai bila pun kau tak cukup dan tak mudah berhenti
Apa nak dicari, serta menjadi-jadi kerna
Kernamu mudah dijual, mudah dibeli tepi
Kenapa ni, menangisi, derita ditanggung sendiri
Apa dicari, mengapa kau salahkan Ali
Bangun sendiri, tak kira malam pagi
Jangan tangisi derita yang kau cari sendiri
I'm just the best, dada
I'm the best papa, baru hilang semua
Papa sama saja, ikut penangan jiwa sendiri kan bertanya
Bila masa cinta berputik dipinggirian dia
Hello, bolehku tanya, siapa nama?
Oh Tipah, pernahku dengar tapi di mana ya
Mungkinkah dari teman-temanku
Kaulah gadis itu, yang selalu ditipu, engkaulah tipah tertipu
Tipah tertipu tertipu, aku tak tahu tak tahu
Aku tak dapat nak bantu, tipah tertipu
Tipah, selamat hari jadi, kau sudah kena
Kena tipu lagi, takde sape yang boleh tolong
Melainkan tuan punya body...
especially the last line..
Love,
Zainal "everything will be over soon" Abidin
This is a suicide note.By the time you read this,i will have consumed 3 packets of baby diapers preferably Huggies or if not,Pampers , 20 tabs of Panadol Menstrual and i have Ruffedge's Tipah Tertipu on repeat in my CD player.
Sometimes i wish you could see me when you're going out with other guys. When i'm biting my lips into a crimson river of emptiness. dark crimson red signifying blood. signifying life which has no meaing for me anymore. so dark.so black.so evanescence. life is meaningless when you use a passive-aggressive approcah to getting treats from me and then having sex with the soccer captain of Tampines Rovers Under-13 team while i stand there holding a handycam recording his every powerful thrust into you and you keep shouting at me,"Hold the camera steadily,you muthafucking pussy!". Life is meaningless and when life has no meaning it means that it provides me with a justification to take black masking tape and paste them over my nipples which are actually capable of milking baby rats.
You wouldnt know what my love for you has done to me.
You used to stand up for me whenever some 65 year old Chinese auntie asked me whether she could have the can of Coca-Cola which i had no more use for and you replied her question with a roundhouse kick to the ribs.I still have her picture right here with me
That memory remains like a scar on the right buttcheek of a fat man who got slashed while attempting to sit down on an Iron Chef armed with a meat cleaver.
It was the most memorable day of my life when we went out and took a walk by the seaside and you wore the blue sleeveless shirt that i bought for you and you fashioned your hair like a double curry puff.
I just want you to know that this friendship will last forever even though its killing me and by the time you read this post,i will be looking like this.
and in times like this only one song can articulate how suicidal i feel..
* Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu lagi
Bila berkata tentang tipah tertipu lagi
Jangan salahkan sesiapa, salahkan diri sendiri
Yang tahu menilai sesuatu yang baik, buruk dan rugi
cinta datang dan pergi jangan tergadai diri
Kau harus tahu dan kau harus fikir ha
Ini permainan bukan boleh diduga
C.A.T.A.K.A. pria pujangga pucuk kasam menggegarkan telinga
Azan mulakannya...
Kisah tipah ini satu pengajaran
Yang buat kita fikir, oh oh oh oh oh
Mulanya seperti kain yang suci
Tapi dicemari dunia keji
** Senang percaya si Jeffri, dia ditipu lelaki
Senang pula ubah hati, kerna dikikir emosi
Menipu sana sini, tanggung-tanggunglah sendiri
Bila problem dah menggunung
Tak ade yang dapat tolong
Selepas tertipu, dia yang menipu
Dan tipu sudah jadi hati dgn diri
Tipu dah tetipah, kerana selesa, dengan gaya hidupnya yang liar
Ulang **
Ulang *
Bila makin terdesak, tertipu, menipu
Menangis seorang diri, mengenang nasib
Yang rugi, tak suci
Dan lagi dan kini masa untuk kebenaran, muncul kembali
Kau sedar taktik kau dah lari, kau bersilih ganti
Sampai bila pun kau tak cukup dan tak mudah berhenti
Apa nak dicari, serta menjadi-jadi kerna
Kernamu mudah dijual, mudah dibeli tepi
Kenapa ni, menangisi, derita ditanggung sendiri
Apa dicari, mengapa kau salahkan Ali
Bangun sendiri, tak kira malam pagi
Jangan tangisi derita yang kau cari sendiri
I'm just the best, dada
I'm the best papa, baru hilang semua
Papa sama saja, ikut penangan jiwa sendiri kan bertanya
Bila masa cinta berputik dipinggirian dia
Hello, bolehku tanya, siapa nama?
Oh Tipah, pernahku dengar tapi di mana ya
Mungkinkah dari teman-temanku
Kaulah gadis itu, yang selalu ditipu, engkaulah tipah tertipu
Tipah tertipu tertipu, aku tak tahu tak tahu
Aku tak dapat nak bantu, tipah tertipu
Tipah, selamat hari jadi, kau sudah kena
Kena tipu lagi, takde sape yang boleh tolong
Melainkan tuan punya body...
especially the last line..
Love,
Zainal "everything will be over soon" Abidin
Friday, February 25, 2005
Thursday, February 24, 2005
This post is dedicated to my best ever marmalade-smothered-marshmallow-sweetie platonic friend, Zainal...
Right now.. our relationship is blossoming ever so sweetly with me keeping his hopes up constantly by periodically demanding treats and gifts.. To eternally attach him to me in hopeless yearning.. I tell him... "zainal.. if the both of us are still single at the age of 30.. lets marry each other" to which he agrees... Even though im making use of him, playing around with his feelings and going out with other guys.. i think its ok because he is my best friend.. I can talk about anything with Zainal!
If i could use a parallel in pop culture to make you guys better understand our relationship.. he would be MY HORNY PIKACHU... mmm...
i still remember the first days in school ... when we first met each other... and how shy zainal was... everytime i was around.. he would quickly turn his back on me and pretend to be incognizant of my presence.. only responding when i called out to him in my sweetest voice...
that was how i knew about his crush on me.. teehee...
Zainal tried many ways to win me over..
Once.. he tried to flash his bling bling and what not to me.. Thinking that i was some sort of materialistic bitch..
but no.. i just wanted his soul.. oops i mean his guaranteed company..
sometimes .. zainal writes emo-gothic poems on his blog about how he feels trapped and depressed with regards to this relationship...
to which i bitch-slap him back to his pathetic reality,which was serving me as an emotional absorbent pillow.. i mean! like hello! youre friends with me! a hot girl! lots of guys would kill to be in your place! so... i ranted and raved about how guys needed to get a period in order to understand what girls go through! bleaurgh!
after a few years of giving him blue balls... he tried to pull a trick on me!
oh my! he dressed up as a girl and tried to peep at me in the girls locker room!!!
i caught him waxing the dolphin and volleyed him in the face with my forehead..
but i forgave him so i could continue leeching on his soul...
so now.. our relationship is going pretty well... he is serving his National service.. always pining for me... while i have fun with other guys which he totally understands and approves of.. what a buddy! With about 80% of his paltry monthly salary.. he takes me out on "platonic dates" and dreams about us being married someday but he keeps it bottled up inside because he is "afraid of ruining a great friendship!"
I miss you Zainal!!! **HUGZZZ***
Right now.. our relationship is blossoming ever so sweetly with me keeping his hopes up constantly by periodically demanding treats and gifts.. To eternally attach him to me in hopeless yearning.. I tell him... "zainal.. if the both of us are still single at the age of 30.. lets marry each other" to which he agrees... Even though im making use of him, playing around with his feelings and going out with other guys.. i think its ok because he is my best friend.. I can talk about anything with Zainal!
If i could use a parallel in pop culture to make you guys better understand our relationship.. he would be MY HORNY PIKACHU... mmm...
i still remember the first days in school ... when we first met each other... and how shy zainal was... everytime i was around.. he would quickly turn his back on me and pretend to be incognizant of my presence.. only responding when i called out to him in my sweetest voice...
that was how i knew about his crush on me.. teehee...
Zainal tried many ways to win me over..
Once.. he tried to flash his bling bling and what not to me.. Thinking that i was some sort of materialistic bitch..
but no.. i just wanted his soul.. oops i mean his guaranteed company..
sometimes .. zainal writes emo-gothic poems on his blog about how he feels trapped and depressed with regards to this relationship...
to which i bitch-slap him back to his pathetic reality,which was serving me as an emotional absorbent pillow.. i mean! like hello! youre friends with me! a hot girl! lots of guys would kill to be in your place! so... i ranted and raved about how guys needed to get a period in order to understand what girls go through! bleaurgh!
after a few years of giving him blue balls... he tried to pull a trick on me!
oh my! he dressed up as a girl and tried to peep at me in the girls locker room!!!
i caught him waxing the dolphin and volleyed him in the face with my forehead..
but i forgave him so i could continue leeching on his soul...
so now.. our relationship is going pretty well... he is serving his National service.. always pining for me... while i have fun with other guys which he totally understands and approves of.. what a buddy! With about 80% of his paltry monthly salary.. he takes me out on "platonic dates" and dreams about us being married someday but he keeps it bottled up inside because he is "afraid of ruining a great friendship!"
I miss you Zainal!!! **HUGZZZ***
The other day, I was walking around in this CD shop around town, called the Gramophone, just killing time and browsing along in the midst of taking a break from extensive touring AND filming simultaneously (its hard imagining yourself being a rockstar and an avant-garde actor as well, though thats besides the point) when I noticed a familiar face at the corner of the easy-listening area, crouched at a spot and headbanging under Europe's "The Final Countdown" album banner ( a classic masterpiece if ever there was one). He was poised, had a look of determination and semi-ecstasy written all over his cute face, and gradually, images of that familiar sight came flooding back to me like the currents of a stream in the dawn of a storm the night before... He stood up, turned round, and instantly.. i recognized him..
EZWAN!!! SO CUTE!!!!
YES! It was my long lost childhood mate, whom I hadn't seen in ages ever since I graduated from Al-Iman Kindergarten, though I was a tad jealous that he was still as cute and adorable as before, still the cuddly Elmo that we adore, but though his features didn't differ much, something told me that he was a changed person..
That... that image on his chest proved to be the giveaway.
Ezwan no longer listens to the "Elmo Song", he now rips bloodcurdling solos on his Fender and screams out "Stil loving you's" at the top of his lungs while wearing a jockstrap which saddles his balls so that they won't fall off from all the rocking going on..
I looked down, closed my eyes, and a silent tear rolled from my cheeks , as I remembered those fun days we had as kids..
You see, we were pretty lively kids, and we spent our times together almost everyday, the whole gang of us, terrorizing the other kids in our school cause we kicked so much ass that even our teachers had to pacify us by giving more servings of those deliciosly creamy "Dumex" powdered milk in recognition of our coolness.
And we didn't need to wear uniforms. We walked around in our favourite suits of the most dapper character we could imagine, such as Spiderman, the Ninja Turtles (Khai Azmas booked liao), Superman, the Avengers , nabeh cheebye Ah Meng (Zabid), and well, you get the idea, and Ezwan used to wear that cute Sesame Street uniform on weekdays..but on weekends, when we go to parties, he would take on a whole new persona altogether, one which made me drool just thinking of it, he was so greeny that you wanted him along with your peas, and not that soggy thing called a spinach.. He was..
A TELLYTUBBY! HOW ADORABLE CAN THAT BE? (Excuse the person on the left, that's just Imran on patrol duty.)
I wanted to do a fellatio act on my brain by imagining even more childhood fantasies, but those dreams were suddenly jolted by the perpetual whistlings by Ezwan, doing the whistle solo bit of the Scorpions' "Winds of Change". And so, me being brought back to the harsh realization of the truth, had a nervous chat with him, as I asked about the other guys of our childhood Mafia, on how they were doing, all grown up now..
Ezwan informed me, albeit in between "White Lion" falsettos, that four of the childhood friends had gone together to form a post-grunge white trash metal psychedelic emo-punkish part-goth outfit called "Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass" and promply whipped out a group photo of the band at the zenith of their ascension up the music scene.. I took a look at it, and began to sob uncontrollably..
"Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass"
From left:
Yazid aka "Intestine Baalism" (electric guitar, sitar & er hu),
Zainal "Necromantia" (screeching vocals dripping with emo like Force Vomit, xylophone & Spanish guitar),
Ridzal "Impaled Nazarene" (bongos & maracas)
& Ezwan "Luciferion" (piccolo , harp & acoustic guitar) (don't ask me why he's grabbing his crotch)
I cried not because they had somehow turned into crazy rockers who ferment from below to evolve into creatures of significance, which mutate into ecosystems complete with growth and death and doubt, forming eventually a meaning in terms of motion and strength that could be interpreted as will, appearing rarely in pure form until a conclusion is distilled in each chapter of this morbid and deranged output of thunderous metal ; but because I wasn't a part of this amazing mesh of incredible tapestry, and that I chose to live a 9 to 5 life, and to remain a slave in the relentless machinery of blindly serving the system, and not given a choice to think for self.
On the other hand, the
"Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass" were already going places, playing in full capacity arenas and festivals in Scandinavia, and touring extensively in Argentina to gain exposure for their latest album, entitled "Resurrection".
They even had the liberty to release a country off-shoot album while having a break in Tennessee, though that didn't go down too well with the locals
(Ridzal doing a trance-like Soya Bean Dance with a similarly clad Zainal in his undies in the background whilst Yazid plays guitar with his pants down & cowboy hat a la Bono)
Ezwan told me of the countless times when they got wasted after gigs after drinking too many Pocari Sweats mixed with Ben & Jerry "Durian Delights" ice-cream, often throwing up on stage to the delight of the fans who lapped it all up. He described to me of the carnival atmosphere of such fests, where fans dressed up in their best gear and partied till they ran out of cash and decided to go back to their mundane part-time jobs to obtain the cash to party again, or till they died from asphyxiation, whichever one came first. One basic dress-code adhered by those revellers was to don a party hat, it didn't matter if is of the wizard kind, or the medieval sort
A particularly popular one, in times of year end festivities, was of course a Santa hat, worn with such determination & confidence, and of course all worn in the manner of fun ..
BUT... Ezwan's voice began to trail off and wail uncomprehendable Gregorian Chants when I asked him about the band's future plans...
He revealed to me that ever since they got back to the country, fresh from their success of the assault of their quirky music, the different band members somewhat began to drift further away from each other, as they got disillisioned of selling out their music to the popular crowd, and be named in the same breath as Three Doors Down, Garth Brooks and *gasp* Ashlee Simpson.. Not wanting to be hapless victims of MTV sub-culture propaganda, each different member began to take his own direction... And that led to Ezwan crying out loud his version of Rick Price's "Heaven Knows" on his acoustic guitar, and buying Scorpions 30th Anniversary DVDs in music stores like Gramophone..
(to be continued..)
hahahahahaha
EZWAN!!! SO CUTE!!!!
YES! It was my long lost childhood mate, whom I hadn't seen in ages ever since I graduated from Al-Iman Kindergarten, though I was a tad jealous that he was still as cute and adorable as before, still the cuddly Elmo that we adore, but though his features didn't differ much, something told me that he was a changed person..
That... that image on his chest proved to be the giveaway.
Ezwan no longer listens to the "Elmo Song", he now rips bloodcurdling solos on his Fender and screams out "Stil loving you's" at the top of his lungs while wearing a jockstrap which saddles his balls so that they won't fall off from all the rocking going on..
I looked down, closed my eyes, and a silent tear rolled from my cheeks , as I remembered those fun days we had as kids..
You see, we were pretty lively kids, and we spent our times together almost everyday, the whole gang of us, terrorizing the other kids in our school cause we kicked so much ass that even our teachers had to pacify us by giving more servings of those deliciosly creamy "Dumex" powdered milk in recognition of our coolness.
And we didn't need to wear uniforms. We walked around in our favourite suits of the most dapper character we could imagine, such as Spiderman, the Ninja Turtles (Khai Azmas booked liao), Superman, the Avengers , nabeh cheebye Ah Meng (Zabid), and well, you get the idea, and Ezwan used to wear that cute Sesame Street uniform on weekdays..but on weekends, when we go to parties, he would take on a whole new persona altogether, one which made me drool just thinking of it, he was so greeny that you wanted him along with your peas, and not that soggy thing called a spinach.. He was..
A TELLYTUBBY! HOW ADORABLE CAN THAT BE? (Excuse the person on the left, that's just Imran on patrol duty.)
I wanted to do a fellatio act on my brain by imagining even more childhood fantasies, but those dreams were suddenly jolted by the perpetual whistlings by Ezwan, doing the whistle solo bit of the Scorpions' "Winds of Change". And so, me being brought back to the harsh realization of the truth, had a nervous chat with him, as I asked about the other guys of our childhood Mafia, on how they were doing, all grown up now..
Ezwan informed me, albeit in between "White Lion" falsettos, that four of the childhood friends had gone together to form a post-grunge white trash metal psychedelic emo-punkish part-goth outfit called "Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass" and promply whipped out a group photo of the band at the zenith of their ascension up the music scene.. I took a look at it, and began to sob uncontrollably..
"Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass"
From left:
Yazid aka "Intestine Baalism" (electric guitar, sitar & er hu),
Zainal "Necromantia" (screeching vocals dripping with emo like Force Vomit, xylophone & Spanish guitar),
Ridzal "Impaled Nazarene" (bongos & maracas)
& Ezwan "Luciferion" (piccolo , harp & acoustic guitar) (don't ask me why he's grabbing his crotch)
I cried not because they had somehow turned into crazy rockers who ferment from below to evolve into creatures of significance, which mutate into ecosystems complete with growth and death and doubt, forming eventually a meaning in terms of motion and strength that could be interpreted as will, appearing rarely in pure form until a conclusion is distilled in each chapter of this morbid and deranged output of thunderous metal ; but because I wasn't a part of this amazing mesh of incredible tapestry, and that I chose to live a 9 to 5 life, and to remain a slave in the relentless machinery of blindly serving the system, and not given a choice to think for self.
On the other hand, the
"Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass" were already going places, playing in full capacity arenas and festivals in Scandinavia, and touring extensively in Argentina to gain exposure for their latest album, entitled "Resurrection".
They even had the liberty to release a country off-shoot album while having a break in Tennessee, though that didn't go down too well with the locals
(Ridzal doing a trance-like Soya Bean Dance with a similarly clad Zainal in his undies in the background whilst Yazid plays guitar with his pants down & cowboy hat a la Bono)
Ezwan told me of the countless times when they got wasted after gigs after drinking too many Pocari Sweats mixed with Ben & Jerry "Durian Delights" ice-cream, often throwing up on stage to the delight of the fans who lapped it all up. He described to me of the carnival atmosphere of such fests, where fans dressed up in their best gear and partied till they ran out of cash and decided to go back to their mundane part-time jobs to obtain the cash to party again, or till they died from asphyxiation, whichever one came first. One basic dress-code adhered by those revellers was to don a party hat, it didn't matter if is of the wizard kind, or the medieval sort
A particularly popular one, in times of year end festivities, was of course a Santa hat, worn with such determination & confidence, and of course all worn in the manner of fun ..
BUT... Ezwan's voice began to trail off and wail uncomprehendable Gregorian Chants when I asked him about the band's future plans...
He revealed to me that ever since they got back to the country, fresh from their success of the assault of their quirky music, the different band members somewhat began to drift further away from each other, as they got disillisioned of selling out their music to the popular crowd, and be named in the same breath as Three Doors Down, Garth Brooks and *gasp* Ashlee Simpson.. Not wanting to be hapless victims of MTV sub-culture propaganda, each different member began to take his own direction... And that led to Ezwan crying out loud his version of Rick Price's "Heaven Knows" on his acoustic guitar, and buying Scorpions 30th Anniversary DVDs in music stores like Gramophone..
(to be continued..)
hahahahahaha
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