for the amount of time between now and my last post... ive been training my bulbasaur into a mean and awesome fighting force... i have quelled it's latent homosexual attraction to charizard and beefed up its scrawny vine-arms with GNC supplements into trunks equalling moses lim's jolly girth...


"go bulbasaur! oops i mean moses lim..."

I have also been multi tasking... due to my talent and proficiency in the obscure art of MSPaint-ing.. i have set up my very own MS-paint potrait business... here are the harvests of my proverbial sowing...

from this....

to this....

charming innit? and i plan to do more... too...

the willing subject in my promotional piece is none other than my camp mate, fauzi... and with the lengthy introduction aside... this post is all about a cool new idea suggested by this adorably plump little fella.. he told us all to draw "A BURNING UNICORN" and so we did.... actually these two girls did... and here they are...


a drawing by my friend nilofer

this picture suggests the activity of something thats probably illegal... the artist has chosen herself to be represented by her snake-like rendition of a "unicorn"... serpentine metaphors suggesting sexual misconduct probably manifesting in its impending assault on a questionably drawn goat... but like all women... she is fickle and undecided of her sexual orientation... reflected by her attaching a question mark to the "kambing" caption next to it... she reveals her ambitious nature in her speech bubble as flames consume her.. probably reflecting her own suppressed desires in real life... or the flames could just be divine intervention, where god shares my opinion that inter-species coupling should not occur... especially when it involves a unicorn-hydra hybrid.. god then chose to document his wit and wisdom in the one liner.. "BURN BABY BURN"...

overall, a charming piece... id print it on my bolster to hug it to bed with me... whee whee...



a drawing by my friend, rafeeza

this pseudo-hieroglyphic drawing came off pretty cool.. the dark tone of the poeticly beautiful art is further accentuated with the devil-may-care attitude of the stray and untamed follicles on the rear of the cannibalistic unicorn.. clearly, this mythic creature is a collaboration between the greek and egyptian gods... or maybe the mutant spawn of HORUS, ATHENA and lydia sum... no matter what it is, i want to marry it.. and if my parents disagree, we'd elope and have bountiful offspring in a prolific marriage under the beautiful midday sun.... oh! the thought of it! the poetic verse framed left and bottom by the quadreped's undesirable physical characteristics displays the artist's confidence with her appeal and talent, somewhat of shakesperean proportions of course! excellent! id pay to see another one.... id also pay for her to make me some sensual sandwiches but.. thats another story for another day...

in all... a rather marvellous piece to be dipped in caramel and eaten with chocolate rice!

Toodles dee doo everyone that I love so dearly,no matter what race you are.Indian,Chinese,Eurasian,regardles of race,language or religion so as to build a society based on justice and equality and progress for our nation. This is your favourite music journalist,Zainal Abidin,reporting. Yes,i did commit suicide a few months ago but I was resurrected by God on last Friday and on the following Sunday,He told me that I had a new vocation in life as the second coming of the Messiah . Fuck,I hate that job. I'd thought i'd be walking around with thunderbolts on my fists and wearing Greek robes ala Zeus but apparently the Second Coming Of The Messiah uniform sucked ass. And adding divine insult to injury,i had to carry two babies who kept shitting non-stop on my arm but I couldnt electrocute their asses because they were God's children.


Me and the enfant terribles at The Garden Of Eden

So God was sleeping today and i took time to skive off to use the Internet which was forbidden strictly as God decreed that the Internet was pure evil. The Almighty even said that the initials of "www" stands for "wery wery wicked"which was totally uncanny(He had a problem pronouncing the letter V). The responsibilty of becoming The Second Coming of The Messiah obviously took a toll on me and i admit that i have been a little wee bit decadent in my music report. I was thinking of doing a review on Ahli Fiqir's single but that was too easy to make fun of. I hope that the readers of this blog are pop-savvy enough to have ,at least, heard of The Dandy Warhols who had a minor hit on our radio a few years ago and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. These two bands used to be chummy with each other before the lead singers started developing strong sexual feelings with each other. Now they're sworn enemies like The Jedi and The Sith. Well,I am pleased to inform our readers that we actually have a Singaporean version of this tragic love/hate story and it invlves one of totallyawesomedude's affiliates,Syed Idzwan.

What started out as a romantic Satanist fairytale degenerated into a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. It all started out when Idzwan dabbled in Black Metal when he ws 14. During that time,he was still an impressionable teenager whose sexuality was quite ambiguous as you can probably see from the picture.

During this period of time,Idzwan's black metal band called Beast Goes To Yun Nam had a charismatic and an enigma of a frontman who just wants to be known as Beast.

Beast was a renowned lyricist and songwriter in the underground black metal scene after writing classics such as "Satan's Hair Is Center-Parting Too!".

A sample of his lyrics

"I'm in a dark place with dragons everywhere
i couldnt see clearly so i flicked my hair
it burns,it burns,and i can see the devil
it turns,it turns,amidts the rubble
and i was astounded by the black nature of truth
Satan's hair is centre-parting too!"

Mutual admiration for each other led Beast and Idzwan to spend more time with each other after jamming sessions and even though it is taboo in the world of rock for a guitarist and the lead singer to develop a relationship,nobody could convince these star-crossed lovers that their love cannot and will not be possible.

Alas! It was not meant to last. Beast was impregnated and in the father of all cliches(pun intended) Idzwan refused to take responsibility after dropping the classic line
"How can i be sure the baby is mine and not some Yun Nam Hair Care specialist's?!"

This led to the abortion of the baby and these two characters have been sworn enemies since.
This saga was dormant like the volcano at Kubang Perahu in Bandung until The Beast discovered Azmi's blog at www.thehoohoos.blogspot.com and proceeded to invade the tagboard.

He started by posting a physical threat in reference to a picture at Azmi's blog where Idzwan was wearing a blue shirt.

<Beast>: watch out the guy in blue

to which i curiously enquired

<zainal>: wah..this beast black metal centre-parting one ah?

to which he intelligently and eloquently replied,showing coherent links in his choice of subjects

<Beast>: wah...this zainal loves anal rite? pope is dead...u can try superman's ass

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???? Forgive me for the question marks.But i'm truly baffled.??????????????????????????

Azmi then decided to reply to his hate tags

<Azmi luv Beastiality>: aiya beast, stop calling urself a superhero can? all u can do is stay within a 5m radius of the guy in blue and stare with ur nostrils flaring.. so brutal one!!!

which was made after Idzwan and Yazid actually saw The Beast within a 5 metre radius and they were expecting him to at least hurl black metal wizard curses at them but he didnt.

He then replied to Azmi's tag explaining that he couldnt perform his shaman wizardy there due to the presence of the precious Gem Of Skeletal Sarcophagus which neutralized his spells.

<Beast>: HAHAHAH i can see the fear in his eyes. and that black nigga...trying to be cool. hey dogs, lucky the gem was there. 5m? wow..if only i could get neare. MAY BE NEXT TIME !


but not before giving Azmi some Clean And Clear Tips brought to you by the good people at Johnson & Johnsons.
<Beast>: Hey azmi... y not u go to watsons and check out the latest facial wash?

Azmi took his advice and went further by even changing his surname from Jasni to Watsons.

<Azmie Watsons>: haha what a wimp! fancy blowing ur mouth off on the net when u quiver as we bat our eyelids at u in public.. now now i have many reasons to get personal with ur physical profile, but i'm a reasonable person,aren't I? hehe

Having seen him in person once at the bus-stop outside my school after Perjumpaan Hari Raya and Annual Conference of Mat-Mat Sachok Maintain organized By Ridzal,i gave him some tips on personal hygiene and haircare.

<zainal>: should we buy you a brush and an iron maiden cd so u can comb your hair while headbang at the same time? and u can gently part your pubic hair too..oops..you already have that on your head..

A reader of azmi's blog who prefer to remain anonymous then attempted to intervene,being of the opinion that Yun Nam gave sub-par service and that i shouldnt recommend it to The Beast as he might mutate into a sewer rat.

<worried passerby>: man , u guys are realli unhappy with each other , i see.. anyway, i think the reason why this beast guy is so gung-ho could be that he probably has a bouncer of a girlfriend..correct me if i'm wrong.. but i'm sure i'm not lar.

i'd thought that his girlfriend had perfect hair anyway so i said

<zainal>: dude,with all due respect,i dont think we should involve anybody's girlfriends in this one..even if the person being mentioned has pubes on his head which needs constant rebonding and monthly trips to Yun Nam haircare..

Beast was so happy with my recommendation that he started hallucinating about talking dogs which was a side effect of the Yun Nam Pubic Hair Treatment which also included bad spelling,incoherent rambling about African-Americans and typing out "HAHAHAHAH!!!" as if a simple "LOL!!!" couldn't do the trick.

<Beast>: HAHAHAHAH!!! this is getting very interesting..instead of the guy in blue....its his dogs that are talking!!! theses are wat frends are for rite? hey zainal i no u r as ugly as azmi's ass and cant get laid.U need some facial too? u can get from that nigga

in order to improve his English,I adviced him to read Sweet Valley High and being concerned for him after Idzwan dumped him,I told him that watching Spy Kids 3D is best watched with technicolor 3D shades so it wont hurt his eyes.

<zainal>: wow.."ugly" insults..that's pretty original considering that you spend your time reading Sweet Valley High and wanking off to Spy Kids 3D in technicolor shades after black metal jamming practice.
Apparently the side effect of the Yun Nam Hair Treatment has not worn off yet so he kept on ranting andraving about African-Americans,wind instruments,and using the word "balls" twice.
"Balls"! Twice! That hasnt been done before since God said to Adam "I shall create thee with beautiful balls!"
to which Adam replied "Huh? I cant hear you..." to which God bellowed "I said BALLS lah!"

<Beast>: HAHAHHA! wow thats a fast reply..i bet u got no life and wait at the comp for the beast's reply. kudos!!! instead of blowing the nigga's rod..maybe u can learn the harmonica?
<Beast>: hey worried passerby...now u should really be worried..u aint got the balls son!
<Beast>: Hey azmi......dont talk bout getting physical...u will regret it boy.
<Beast>: Enough of this blog shit...the dog is forever hiding... SEE U SOON BOY!......if u got the balls


And just for kicks,here somebody who's got so much balls,it totally justifies his smug face. I mean,he's a tupperware model!



Signing off,
Zainal Abidin

You guys wont even understand this one...


Brawling with neanderthals equipped with neural schools of reason so gnawingly annoying that i was afraid they would spontaneously combust if divine intervention decidedly swoops to remove stupidity from this already fucked-up world.


a neanderthal


another neanderthal

Cursed with the luck of being attached to a dystopian tyrant, a term which only consoled due to its intended exaggeration. Sulky subordination to a guy I deemed moderately tolerable, only on a fair-weathered day of course. This guy seems like he pole-vaulted himself into his self-constructed racial-pride hall of fame.

His largely inflated sense of self-worth led to unwelcome announcements of his own greatness, which would include even snippets dating back to his pre-pubescent days. Like a thunderous bulk of self-promotion lugging its large mass around, periodically bursting out in ranting glorification of its own personal accomplishments.

Then there was the thankless, non-rewarding job of "taking the initiative" where the only acknowledgement to it was a mere "well done", implying some sort of default belief that it was indeed something you were expected to do, attacking and destroying the adage, "you get monkeys if you pay peanuts" considering there were no real incentives to improved work ethics except for perhaps, the ORD testimony at the end of it.

Of course, there is no stopping adopting that kind of super-worker mindset, even after considering that it would actually have begative effects, especially in the lower ranking strata where a super-worker will be dubbed too passionate and stupid, which i myself have to slightly agree. There is no visible, glaring determining factor, be it level of education or inherent "racial traits",its just that after a few months of "super-working", met only by peer excommunication and an occasional fuzzy wedgie, that enthusiasm simply fizzles out.

Likeable quirky characters, who may destinedly become good friends, mixed in the politically-correct ensemble(s) of this "progressive society" of ours however, make existing that much more enjoyable. If this does not outweigh the bulk of suffering directly or indirectly caused by the aforementioned problems, suicide would be a better alternative really. Evaluate yourself accordingly.

To describe it like i always do.



Using my ninja-agility and now 3 months-in of dodging the relentless volley of bullshit-laden projectiles in my camp,i was caught unawares by a wad of bazooka-spit which hit me like a truck in the face... Trying to steady myself from the impact only made it worse as i grew groggy from the head-on collision with ridiculous logic.

The odd-logic sentence interpreted themselves to me as "A level students bad...Diploma students good", mouthed by my lieutenant with matter-of-fact sincerity, perhaps a conviction
evidenced by his cocooned experiences in the military. In his attempt to understand individual work ethics, he has, with all maturity, classified NSFs under level of education and generalised everything based on badly researched examples. Word for word(or slightly exaggerated), "A level people should be pushed harder but Poly students good because they always take the initiative.. see like me.. i from poly what"

With furrowed eyebrows, i tried to understand.. but i collapsed from exhaustion and somehow drifted into a state of psychedelia where unnaturally colored- skies swirled with milky colors and nearby acacia trees talked jamaican..


image from:www.shareproject.net

Laying on the scented-grass, writing letters to a substitute for santa-claus, for superpowers to morph people into molasses.. great isnt it having a blog and yer own imagination...


wait.. maybe this post serves as a reminder for Azmi and Zainal as to how fucked up NS can be seeing how theyre enlisting soon..

do you guys get it?

~toodles~dee~doo~
Wo de peng yo henngg cute wam pa tan liaoz!

I had to write an essay for a chance to get into NTU's art media design course, so i risked it all by carbombing the professors there with this gem...

fresh out of the warm, safe and caring womb of my pre-university institution to the "real world" that our teachers have warned us about. I could almost hear somebody shout "lock and load" as we cautiously stepped out of the school compounds as if signifying preparation for the "rat race", another legend circulated by our esteemed educators.
i had meticulously planned my career route and where i would be 'ten years from now', a skill sharpened from the many mandatory motivational seminars and courses i had to grudgingly attend. So, i wrote down random professions on small pieces of paper and mixed them all in a hat, i decided that i had to be serious about this as it was my future thats at stake. I destinedly picked "artist", but the only thing i knew about art was the generic beret and goatee stereotype i sometimes doodled while writing internet erotic fan fiction.
Totally ignoring the fact that i included that piece of information about my interesting pasttime activities which risked offending someone, i continue with my thoughts about a potential bohemian lifestyle. I had picked NTU's art media design course as, according to students there, the canteen sold fine cottage cheese. Armed with high expectations of fermented milk and an over-idealised opinion of an artist's life, i day-dreamed in my own post-degree projection of events like directing a tribute season of Living With Lydia, a singaporean sitcom so kick-ass-grade good, it made it into its third season here, seriously. Please let me realise my dreams of influencing pop culture and doing my part to corrupt impressionable youths with mass media. Ill be your maid for one month, ok two tops..

if that failed.. i was willing to try this instead...

"Okay... so I walk out of the office about to leave the building when I hear this woman's voice coming from another room. Sounded as though she was by herself talking on the phone... which she was, when I looked through the door of the empty room/kitchen area to find a SUPER HOT girl on the phone talking to whoever.She was in the room with her incredible ass, I'm just thinking "wow, she's alone, I hope she farts, imagine what her farts smell like?"As SOON as I left the bathroom I heard a door shut, hoping it was her shutting the door to the office she returned to. So I walk quickly to the room with the lights off, I walked over near the chair where she sat....
As soon as I walked over near the chair I smelled a mixture between perfume and farts... the air hovering over the chair was definitely funky. I leaned down and smelled the seat where the super hot girls amazing ass sat for at least 5 minutes straight...
It smelled like pure girl farts... a strong fart essence was present in the felt padded seat cushion, I started buggin out. I kept smelling the cushion for as long as the smell's odor retained it's embodiment. I was in heaven with the sexy fumes that only lasted a couple of minutes. I buried my face into the seat cushion smelling this HOT girls candy farts. I was so happy that day.
It was the whole aspect that she was in that room totally comfortable, she knew nobody was around, and God knows how many farts she let out, if she enjoyed the smell, or what. I caught her farts and she had no idea, it's great when that happens. I intend on continuing my trips to this office."


i didnt write this piece of literature, but chances are, it was one of those other applicants .. which automaticaly casts me in a positive light.. so how about it? admission beckons?
*nudge nudge wink wink*

once again, i would like to introduce a new addition to the member list..
i love this guy so much, i have written a poem for him....

i love firdaus because he makes me smile
i like firdaus because he makes me laugh
i love firdaus because he has a nice voice
i absolutely like firdaus because of the bulge in his pants

*toodle~dee~do*

A while ago.. i dreamt i was zainal, rather, in zainal, kinda like in the movie "Being John Malkovich"(which totally rocked by the way).. anyway.. this was all i could remember........... ........... ............. ............ ........... .............

Message: Arahan : Jawab soalan berikut didalam
bahasa melayu!

SEBAIK SAJA BANGUN DARI TIDO

1.suara pertama yang didengar :
>>> budak budak dikir temasek (di radio lah! teehee)

2.perkara pertama yang dilakukan :
>>> menonton video cerita E.C

3.surat khabar yang selalu dibaca:
>>> berita harian kerana komik komik yang kelakar belaka!

4.sarapan kegemaran:
>>> benda benda yang halal la wah lau

5.lagu ideal untuk meletakkan "mood" :
>>> tipah tertipu oleh ruffedge! gerek sioott!!

APA BILA DI LUAR

1.perkara/eksesori yang mesti ada pada
saya :
>>> benda yang dipanggil "bling bling"

2.saya suka tengok :
>>> abang abang yang berg memakai tanjak golden! tak leh carry ah!

3.bila orang yg saya tak kenal tenung saya :
>>> hendak la dia menegur untuk bertanding dalam dikir barat version of "you got served"

4.saya paling tak mengerti apa bila orang :
>>> tidak menyembah saya

5.bila orang yg saya tak kenal menyinggung saya :
>>> saya akan menepuk dengan nyaring sekali kerana saya la harapan budaya melayu dan paling beradat

APABILA BERJUMPA DENGAN KAWAN

1.yang pendiam? -
>>> imran, kadang kala orang kata dia terkencet.. kalau dalam bahasa inggeris, di katakan "making skidmarks"

2.yang pandai berjenaka? -
>>> ni semua tak main ah jack!

3.yang kreatif? -
>>> kawan saya bernama firdaus yang sebetulnya penulis skrip "living with lydia" dan "E.C." serta penulis lirik untuk Ruffedge

4.yang paling bijak berbelanja? -
>>> saya sungguh malas menjawab

5.yang asal main sondol aje? -
>>> awak akan masuk neraka kalau asyik main sondol sahaja

MUSIK-TV

1.Lagu yang selalu dimain oleh saya :
>>> tipah tertipu oleh ruffedge.. kalau tidak.. "samseng" oleh Ahli Fiqir.. gerek TO THE MAX!

2.Kalau saya ada kumpulan nama kumpulan saya
ialah :
>>>" kalau korang tidak menyembah kita nampak sah masuk neraka"

3.saya lebih suka mendengar lagu di :
>>"ni semua tak main ah jack!"

4.kumpulan/penyanyi yang saya ingin
berduet bersama dengan :
>>> ahli ahli kumpulan ruffedge, dan awok awok dari dikir temasek.. handal sial...

5. image saya :
>>> macam mak kau nyer laki la bodoh! hrrghhuhuhahahah *snort* kecoh sioottt!!!!

6.cerita yang saya ingin lihat di kaca tv :
>>> E.C

7.rancangan yang paling tidak diminati :
>>> cerita cerita yang boleh buat kita masuk neraka

HAL EHWAL

1.saya tidak akan persoalkan cara :
>>> betapa tidak sachok orang lain

2.bapa saya ialah seorang :
>>> mat balding middle age crisis yang berlakon di dalam E.C

3.ibu saya gemar memasak :
>>>> lee kuan yew!!!

4.adik beradik saya suka :
>>> jadi hamba saya

5.almari saya memang :
>>> menyimpan baju baju sachok saya

MASA DEPAN

1.pada hari esok saya akan :
>>> activate budak budak

2.resolusi harian saya ialah:
>>> menjadi "berg" macam yazid(minah kerinting dalam E.C yang tidak suka mat salleh kerana bulu dada)

3.jika saya dapat gaji saya akan :
>>> pergi clubbing ah jack! macam tak biasa gitu..

4.saya tidak ingin terserempak dengan :
>>>> budak budak kental taik kuching ah!

5.apabila saya mati nanti, saya ingin
dikenali orang sebagai :
>>> abang angkong siao "activate budak budak" serta sachok dan berg

gosh... dont worry guys.. zainal survived because the paramedics found that he consumed less than the required amount of diapers lethal to humans.. in fact, he woke up and recovered right away

(it probably helped that i was in my most sexiest lingerie.. mmmm...)

anyway, ill show you a picture of him staring at my C cups..


be gentle with those thumbs now..

him again, being contented and "berg" at the same time..



the point of this post? reassurance regarding zainal's health and my resumed leeching on his soul

with that out of the way.. on to more important matters... my virtual social life..

you guys probably know anyway.. but for the uninitiated, friendster is acting fruity lately.. and i mean in a negative way..


a fruity pear. yes.

ill be damned if its gonna shut down on me...

Statistical acquaintance just a novelty?

hell no! it reflects how popular i am in real life.. all those strangers i blindly add as friends so that i can hit the maximum at *500* then start a "Ridzal II" account will all probably help me clean my hamster cage IF i asked 'em to.. They'll most likely give me a free gynae exam too while theyre at it..

and dont let me get started on those testimonials that look like my personal stamp collection. think about all those people ive coerced, blackmailed and sweet-talked into writing me one(or two or ten)... all my hard work socialising!

as a precautionary measure... i have decided to print out everyone of them testimonials, 3 hard copies each.. 1 set to be filed in a folder, another set to be pasted up on my front door(for the convenience of visitors!) and the last set to be pinned (loosely) to my spine(for easy flipping of pages)..

everyone will envy my palatial list of friends and testimonials..



i made the mistake of not doing this earlier and when friendster's server crashed a while ago... it seemed like Y2K really happened and like zainal, nearly took my own life.. Fortunately, bands which zainal and firdaus were affiliated to like Ruffedge and Ahli Fiqir saved me from certain damnation.. and yes zainal, Tipah tertipu is truly a great song indeed... if i didnt know better, i'd think that you penned it yerself.. you talented loaf of bread you....

Dear Ridzal,

This is a suicide note.By the time you read this,i will have consumed 3 packets of baby diapers preferably Huggies or if not,Pampers , 20 tabs of Panadol Menstrual and i have Ruffedge's Tipah Tertipu on repeat in my CD player.

Sometimes i wish you could see me when you're going out with other guys. When i'm biting my lips into a crimson river of emptiness. dark crimson red signifying blood. signifying life which has no meaing for me anymore. so dark.so black.so evanescence. life is meaningless when you use a passive-aggressive approcah to getting treats from me and then having sex with the soccer captain of Tampines Rovers Under-13 team while i stand there holding a handycam recording his every powerful thrust into you and you keep shouting at me,"Hold the camera steadily,you muthafucking pussy!". Life is meaningless and when life has no meaning it means that it provides me with a justification to take black masking tape and paste them over my nipples which are actually capable of milking baby rats.


You wouldnt know what my love for you has done to me.

You used to stand up for me whenever some 65 year old Chinese auntie asked me whether she could have the can of Coca-Cola which i had no more use for and you replied her question with a roundhouse kick to the ribs.I still have her picture right here with me

That memory remains like a scar on the right buttcheek of a fat man who got slashed while attempting to sit down on an Iron Chef armed with a meat cleaver.

It was the most memorable day of my life when we went out and took a walk by the seaside and you wore the blue sleeveless shirt that i bought for you and you fashioned your hair like a double curry puff.


I just want you to know that this friendship will last forever even though its killing me and by the time you read this post,i will be looking like this.

and in times like this only one song can articulate how suicidal i feel..

* Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu tertipu tipu tetipah
Tipah tertipu lagi

Bila berkata tentang tipah tertipu lagi
Jangan salahkan sesiapa, salahkan diri sendiri
Yang tahu menilai sesuatu yang baik, buruk dan rugi
cinta datang dan pergi jangan tergadai diri
Kau harus tahu dan kau harus fikir ha
Ini permainan bukan boleh diduga
C.A.T.A.K.A. pria pujangga pucuk kasam menggegarkan telinga
Azan mulakannya...

Kisah tipah ini satu pengajaran
Yang buat kita fikir, oh oh oh oh oh
Mulanya seperti kain yang suci
Tapi dicemari dunia keji

** Senang percaya si Jeffri, dia ditipu lelaki
Senang pula ubah hati, kerna dikikir emosi
Menipu sana sini, tanggung-tanggunglah sendiri
Bila problem dah menggunung
Tak ade yang dapat tolong

Selepas tertipu, dia yang menipu
Dan tipu sudah jadi hati dgn diri
Tipu dah tetipah, kerana selesa, dengan gaya hidupnya yang liar

Ulang **

Ulang *

Bila makin terdesak, tertipu, menipu
Menangis seorang diri, mengenang nasib
Yang rugi, tak suci
Dan lagi dan kini masa untuk kebenaran, muncul kembali

Kau sedar taktik kau dah lari, kau bersilih ganti
Sampai bila pun kau tak cukup dan tak mudah berhenti
Apa nak dicari, serta menjadi-jadi kerna
Kernamu mudah dijual, mudah dibeli tepi

Kenapa ni, menangisi, derita ditanggung sendiri
Apa dicari, mengapa kau salahkan Ali
Bangun sendiri, tak kira malam pagi
Jangan tangisi derita yang kau cari sendiri
I'm just the best, dada
I'm the best papa, baru hilang semua
Papa sama saja, ikut penangan jiwa sendiri kan bertanya
Bila masa cinta berputik dipinggirian dia

Hello, bolehku tanya, siapa nama?
Oh Tipah, pernahku dengar tapi di mana ya
Mungkinkah dari teman-temanku
Kaulah gadis itu, yang selalu ditipu, engkaulah tipah tertipu

Tipah tertipu tertipu, aku tak tahu tak tahu
Aku tak dapat nak bantu, tipah tertipu

Tipah, selamat hari jadi, kau sudah kena
Kena tipu lagi, takde sape yang boleh tolong
Melainkan tuan punya body...

especially the last line..

Love,
Zainal "everything will be over soon" Abidin

a random piece.. trying to sum up how a relationship can perform a "pirouette" into something ugly with one fucking line.. "sometimes those eyes forget to be so beautiful"


(thanks fauzi from camp for scanning it in for me)

This post is dedicated to my best ever marmalade-smothered-marshmallow-sweetie platonic friend, Zainal...

Right now.. our relationship is blossoming ever so sweetly with me keeping his hopes up constantly by periodically demanding treats and gifts.. To eternally attach him to me in hopeless yearning.. I tell him... "zainal.. if the both of us are still single at the age of 30.. lets marry each other" to which he agrees... Even though im making use of him, playing around with his feelings and going out with other guys.. i think its ok because he is my best friend.. I can talk about anything with Zainal!

If i could use a parallel in pop culture to make you guys better understand our relationship.. he would be MY HORNY PIKACHU... mmm...




i still remember the first days in school ... when we first met each other... and how shy zainal was... everytime i was around.. he would quickly turn his back on me and pretend to be incognizant of my presence.. only responding when i called out to him in my sweetest voice...



that was how i knew about his crush on me.. teehee...

Zainal tried many ways to win me over..
Once.. he tried to flash his bling bling and what not to me.. Thinking that i was some sort of materialistic bitch..



but no.. i just wanted his soul.. oops i mean his guaranteed company..

sometimes .. zainal writes emo-gothic poems on his blog about how he feels trapped and depressed with regards to this relationship...



to which i bitch-slap him back to his pathetic reality,which was serving me as an emotional absorbent pillow.. i mean! like hello! youre friends with me! a hot girl! lots of guys would kill to be in your place! so... i ranted and raved about how guys needed to get a period in order to understand what girls go through! bleaurgh!

after a few years of giving him blue balls... he tried to pull a trick on me!
oh my! he dressed up as a girl and tried to peep at me in the girls locker room!!!



i caught him waxing the dolphin and volleyed him in the face with my forehead..
but i forgave him so i could continue leeching on his soul...

so now.. our relationship is going pretty well... he is serving his National service.. always pining for me... while i have fun with other guys which he totally understands and approves of.. what a buddy! With about 80% of his paltry monthly salary.. he takes me out on "platonic dates" and dreams about us being married someday but he keeps it bottled up inside because he is "afraid of ruining a great friendship!"

I miss you Zainal!!! **HUGZZZ***

The other day, I was walking around in this CD shop around town, called the Gramophone, just killing time and browsing along in the midst of taking a break from extensive touring AND filming simultaneously (its hard imagining yourself being a rockstar and an avant-garde actor as well, though thats besides the point) when I noticed a familiar face at the corner of the easy-listening area, crouched at a spot and headbanging under Europe's "The Final Countdown" album banner ( a classic masterpiece if ever there was one). He was poised, had a look of determination and semi-ecstasy written all over his cute face, and gradually, images of that familiar sight came flooding back to me like the currents of a stream in the dawn of a storm the night before... He stood up, turned round, and instantly.. i recognized him..





EZWAN!!! SO CUTE!!!!


YES! It was my long lost childhood mate, whom I hadn't seen in ages ever since I graduated from Al-Iman Kindergarten, though I was a tad jealous that he was still as cute and adorable as before, still the cuddly Elmo that we adore, but though his features didn't differ much, something told me that he was a changed person..


That... that image on his chest proved to be the giveaway.
Ezwan no longer listens to the "Elmo Song", he now rips bloodcurdling solos on his Fender and screams out "Stil loving you's" at the top of his lungs while wearing a jockstrap which saddles his balls so that they won't fall off from all the rocking going on..

I looked down, closed my eyes, and a silent tear rolled from my cheeks , as I remembered those fun days we had as kids..

You see, we were pretty lively kids, and we spent our times together almost everyday, the whole gang of us, terrorizing the other kids in our school cause we kicked so much ass that even our teachers had to pacify us by giving more servings of those deliciosly creamy "Dumex" powdered milk in recognition of our coolness.

And we didn't need to wear uniforms. We walked around in our favourite suits of the most dapper character we could imagine, such as Spiderman, the Ninja Turtles (Khai Azmas booked liao), Superman, the Avengers , nabeh cheebye Ah Meng (Zabid), and well, you get the idea, and Ezwan used to wear that cute Sesame Street uniform on weekdays..but on weekends, when we go to parties, he would take on a whole new persona altogether, one which made me drool just thinking of it, he was so greeny that you wanted him along with your peas, and not that soggy thing called a spinach.. He was..











A TELLYTUBBY! HOW ADORABLE CAN THAT BE? (Excuse the person on the left, that's just Imran on patrol duty.)


I wanted to do a fellatio act on my brain by imagining even more childhood fantasies, but those dreams were suddenly jolted by the perpetual whistlings by Ezwan, doing the whistle solo bit of the Scorpions' "Winds of Change". And so, me being brought back to the harsh realization of the truth, had a nervous chat with him, as I asked about the other guys of our childhood Mafia, on how they were doing, all grown up now..


Ezwan informed me, albeit in between "White Lion" falsettos, that four of the childhood friends had gone together to form a post-grunge white trash metal psychedelic emo-punkish part-goth outfit called "Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass" and promply whipped out a group photo of the band at the zenith of their ascension up the music scene.. I took a look at it, and began to sob uncontrollably..








"Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass"



From left:

Yazid aka "Intestine Baalism" (electric guitar, sitar & er hu),

Zainal "Necromantia" (screeching vocals dripping with emo like Force Vomit, xylophone & Spanish guitar),

Ridzal "Impaled Nazarene" (bongos & maracas)

& Ezwan "Luciferion" (piccolo , harp & acoustic guitar) (don't ask me why he's grabbing his crotch)


I cried not because they had somehow turned into crazy rockers who ferment from below to evolve into creatures of significance, which mutate into ecosystems complete with growth and death and doubt, forming eventually a meaning in terms of motion and strength that could be interpreted as will, appearing rarely in pure form until a conclusion is distilled in each chapter of this morbid and deranged output of thunderous metal ; but because I wasn't a part of this amazing mesh of incredible tapestry, and that I chose to live a 9 to 5 life, and to remain a slave in the relentless machinery of blindly serving the system, and not given a choice to think for self.

On the other hand, the
"Cardinal Sins of The Most Unholy Kind As A Result Of Not Licking Ahmad Farid's Cute Excuse of An Ass" were already going places, playing in full capacity arenas and festivals in Scandinavia, and touring extensively in Argentina to gain exposure for their latest album, entitled "Resurrection".



They even had the liberty to release a country off-shoot album while having a break in Tennessee, though that didn't go down too well with the locals

(Ridzal doing a trance-like Soya Bean Dance with a similarly clad Zainal in his undies in the background whilst Yazid plays guitar with his pants down & cowboy hat a la Bono)


Ezwan told me of the countless times when they got wasted after gigs after drinking too many Pocari Sweats mixed with Ben & Jerry "Durian Delights" ice-cream, often throwing up on stage to the delight of the fans who lapped it all up. He described to me of the carnival atmosphere of such fests, where fans dressed up in their best gear and partied till they ran out of cash and decided to go back to their mundane part-time jobs to obtain the cash to party again, or till they died from asphyxiation, whichever one came first. One basic dress-code adhered by those revellers was to don a party hat, it didn't matter if is of the wizard kind, or the medieval sort










A particularly popular one, in times of year end festivities, was of course a Santa hat, worn with such determination & confidence, and of course all worn in the manner of fun ..

BUT... Ezwan's voice began to trail off and wail uncomprehendable Gregorian Chants when I asked him about the band's future plans...

He revealed to me that ever since they got back to the country, fresh from their success of the assault of their quirky music, the different band members somewhat began to drift further away from each other, as they got disillisioned of selling out their music to the popular crowd, and be named in the same breath as Three Doors Down, Garth Brooks and *gasp* Ashlee Simpson.. Not wanting to be hapless victims of MTV sub-culture propaganda, each different member began to take his own direction... And that led to Ezwan crying out loud his version of Rick Price's "Heaven Knows" on his acoustic guitar, and buying Scorpions 30th Anniversary DVDs in music stores like Gramophone..

(to be continued..)

hahahahahaha

in addition to zainal joining to post on this blog, azmi will also be included after he finishes his jogging session at bukit timah hill... a new guy was also invited to post.. his name is muhajir and his job here on the blog is primarily as a cashier... i dont know why we need one.. but yeah..

a short introduction for him then...

muhajir feeds on plankton and keeps a red pouch on his abdomen to attract mates(puffed up for full effect).. i kept him in a fish bowl once, but he escaped by inciting a neon tetra revolution in the neighboring tank.. however orwellian, he installed himself as marine dictator and keeps a harem of snapping turtles now.. you horny piece of casserol you!

that was actually just my friendster testimonial for him... but it did the job didnt it? motherfuckers...

I was window shopping along Bugis Junction when i first met Ridzal and Azmi. Ridzal was trying on a pair of shades which accentuated his boyishly Bara/E.C kind of look and was asking Azmi for his opinion. Me,having like totally good taste,interjected and told Ridzal that he looked really good,kinda like that actor guy Mokhtar who played the lecturer in Bara and a few Suria telemovies. We then started talking about the things that really matter in life like where to get foundation for men,applying eyeliner around the nipples to avoid breast cancer(sure beats a mammogram) and how metrosexual we were in this time of grizzly bears breakdancingin the streets of Orchard Road. Ridzal told me he kept a blog (like all metrosexuals should.Like duh,girlfriend) where he articulated his innermost feelings. He then proceeded to invite me collaborate on his blog and i gladly accepted even though i'm aware that the sexual tension between us will one day erupt and destroy this beautiful platonic friendship we hold in high regard and will later be adapted into a romantic comedy starring Rob Schneider and Thomas The Toy Train Engine called Hand in Hand,Metrosexuals Can..(Fall In Love With Each Other).

I've always believed that,next to being a German porn star, music journalism's the most kick-ass job in the world and this blog will hopefully allow me to hone my chops for my future column in the most prestigious entertainment magazine in Asia; Lime Magazine.


Therefore before the whole hullabaloo over Singapore Idol dies down,i thought it would be appropriate for me to do a feature on Taufik Batisah,the first ever Singapore Idol.As i couldnt get Taufik Batisah for an interview with TotallyAwesomeDude,i decided that the next best thing was to get the perspective from the angsty urban streets of Singapore and i have decided to interview two intriguing characters that plays a big part in Taufik Batisah's success. One hates,the other one adores. What do we get when we put them in the same room?

He hates Taufik Batisah vehemently with the venom of cobra seasoned in the treacherous Amazon.Cold,calculating and crispy like KFC's fried chicken is how i would describe him when i first met him.He's working at Bukit Panjang NPC as an NS policeman and he wears his badge with the same pride that lesbians take in their pink triangle.

He refuses to give me his name and wants to be called "Mr.Kita activate budak-budak ah".

The other worships Taufik Batisah like he's the Laughing Buddha at Haw Par Villa which used to have this chinese restaurant which served really good suckling pig.The kind where there's an apple in the mouth of the pig and the skin is cooked to golden brown perfection and when you take a bite,the meat slowly melts in your mouth.

She wants to be known simply as "Chinese girl who like Taufik Batisah and voted for him so therefore this shows that racism don't exist anymore" but i think we could just call her Miss Not-Racist.

This was how the interview went.

Me: I saw this totally gorgeous top at Topman that looked fabulous on me and i bought a matching polka dotted lacy g-string to match with it until i realized that i already have one so i wanted to wrap it up so i could give it to ridzal on his birthday but azmi gave him a similar one last year........

Mr.Kita activate budak-budak ah:(cuts off my chatter) I came down here to give you my take on that wussy sonofabitch Taufik Batisah and his media-whoring crying in front of camera fake persona. Not to hear you talking about panties.

Miss Not-Racist: Thats why.

Me: Okay okay. what's wrong with a little digression to ease the tension.pfffftt...So ummm,Mister Policeman,when and why did you first hate Taufik Batisah and is it personal?

Mr Kita activate budak-budak ah: I knew a friend who was working at the same police station as another guy who knew Taufik at the Police Academy.He told me ah that ah Taufik was very how to say..like action ah after he won Singapore Idol and that he didnt want to talk to his police mates about how fun it was to nab underage smokers and then treat them like Charles Manson anymore.I belive that Taufik has become too big for his britches and that we as Malays and Muslims have a duty to boycott his album as my friend told me that his friend used to follow Taufik go clubbing at Wu-bar.

Me: But how can you verify that your source is telling the truth?

Mr Kita activate budak-budak ah: Oh..My friend told me that day at the mosque about his friend swearing on the Qur'an about Taufik Batisah going clubbing. And you just don't fuck with that,man.We're talking divine intervention shit right here.

Me:Oh.That's interesting.you have God on your side.Lets ask Miss Not Racist about her take on this. How do you feel about these Malay NS policemen trying to smear the name of the first Singapore Idol?

Miss Not Racist: Haiz. they all don't understand that last time Taufik wear Bata shoes only.

Me: So what is it about Taufik that prompted you to establish a pseudo-religious lesbian underage sex cult in his name?

Miss Not Racist: Because ah that time i went to watch him perform at Plaza Singapura..that time singapore idol quarter finals that time..and ah when he sing his eyes very nice.

Mr.Kita activate budak-budak: But he use his eyes to look at girls last time at Wu-Bar. you think we Malays no "adat" ah?!

Miss Not Racist: Dont talk about malay chinese ah. We vote for taufik that means we not racist what.

Mr.Kita activate budak-budak:We Malays very united one ah.If one person you chinese try to hurt,we all confirm come down one.

Miss Not Racist: Aiyah.I dont want to fight with you lah. All i know ah that Taufik is very cool one and his songs very nice even though the radio plays them excessively leaving me with no choice but to tolerate them lor.

Me: Before this interview gets out of hand,i would like to end it by signing off for now.Thank you both for your time.And i would like Taufik Batisahto know that despite the controversy,Zainal Abidin will always admire you for your bravery in facing totally baseless accusations made by envious strangers and having fans with totally bad taste in music.

I salute you.

After deliberating whether to post an explanation about my humor or not... i got lazy and decided to post a photo of me and my boo making silly faces at the camera instead..


"me and my boo making silly faces!"

yes, i grew so lazy that i morphed into a hot young pubescent girl then seduced Azmi to take cute and "silly" photos with me.. thats him in the mesh cap hugging my nubile little torso!

all this being soundtracked by zainal playing "tears in heaven" in the background with his guitar...

-Zainal playing tears in heaven-

"zainal shows us guitars and shirtless guys make the best visual stimulant"

Hey hey kids! Today’s update is all gonna be about army survival! Yes! Where would we be without those guys in tight military fatigues ey?


Tally ho to that salute sir!

As a servant oops I mean NS man serving in the army.. I get paid monthly with insults, condescendence and the occasional fuzzy wedgie! And if you ask me.. that’s all the motivation I need to go ahead with my daily duties…

Ive always been a quick learner and by sharing my experiences accompanied by carefully thought through opinions and butt slapping reflections.. I consider it a public service to all you clueless motherfucker who happen to stumble upon my blog..

After going through my update… you guys will be turned from this…


To this!



Although im not too sure if these shirtless guys are from the military at all…

No matter!..

Oh and if you guys are really unlucky or like to hide pork sirloins under your shirt, you could morph into a grubby medium breasted wrinkly old man.. Don’t say I didn’t warn you now!


The story

As a clerk here in the office, my job is to grab hold of online news articles and send them to the cheery fellas over here! Cheerios! Initially.. I was influenced(by default) by my brain to at least filter out irrelevant articles.. BIG MISTAKE…

#Rule no.1… do not allow your brain to take hold of you! Like the devil.. it tries to corrupt your judgement and impede you from doing your patriotic duty! Roger that sir!

To remedy this.. I promptly drilled a hole at the top of my skull and poured concentrated hydrochloric acid into the said cavity…

From then on, i was like the nerd who kept blindly shooting the hostages in a Virtua Cop Arcade Game(which is so 1991 by the way! you go gurl!), anything that moves, blast it to pieces.. im just following orders sir! no time to evaluate and rationalise! affirmative sir!!!

Now im the apple of the officers’ eyes and with my constant ball sucking and cleavage baring antics.. I was on my way to the top of nowhere.. yippee maam sir yes sir!

But then my fall from grace happened.. I screwed up…

I got a 3 day break which led me to weekend duty.. and there, in the morning.. im supposed to relieve the previous day’s clerk and the routine handing over act was carried out… Unfortunately he briefed me about everything except one small detail.. We were supposed to update the officer-in-charge with news articles of the day.. And I was totally unaware that we were now supposed to post our update in MS Word instead of the initial and usual MS Excel.. I got totally fucked up later that night… I was called “bloody stupid” cos I “didn’t ask”…

#Rule no. 2.. You must possess at least the most basic psychic abilities.. Preferably mind-reading, if not.. then.. perhaps premonitions or minor-scale prophesizing..

I totally agreed with the officer.. I really do.. sir yes sir! It was “bloody stupid” of me to not be psychic! I totally realized my mistake that I was supposed to know what my colleague forgot to tell me! My oh my! Silly me!

Realising my mistake, I quickly took a telephone and used it as a colonoscope… And through what makes no sense at all… I inherited psychic abilities…

My.. now im on my way! Roger that sir! So guys.. if you guys would just heed my advice and follow in my footsteps.. you guys can be like me too! So.. until then.. see ya later boy scouts!

Eh.. Wah lau..Testimonial leh..

In recent months.. apart from my unsupported campaign to use random shaped slabs of meat as hats, people have placed greater priority on friendster over their real social lives and they have as much fun as they can writing pretentious testimonials for each other..

On a totally unrelated note.. i came up with this great idea for a new trend..this time.. instead of meat.. how about pastries or assorted types of food items as hats?
Totally believing in my delightful little ingenuity which would would no doubt be on its way to commercial success, i convinced a local model to display some fine-pimping kick ass head gear ..



After horribly side tracking to the issue of pastry-hats.. the purpose of this post is actually to find help.. yes..because.. i have a disability..other than being a motherfucker, i cant write a proper testimonial! GASP!

the most recent one i just wrote seemed so right to me... but i was told later that it was rather unacceptable because testimonials are supposed to be pretentious and mind-numbing in nature... Wah Lau!
this girl i barely know.. (we went to the same secondary school) i was supposed to write a testimonial for her... and as soon as i started typing.. i couldnt stop and by the end of it.. my fingers had automatically clicked the "add testimonial" button which left me fuming..
because according to the doctor who did the xenotransplant on me, the mutant mandrill arms they found lying around grafted on to me(after a horrible industrial meat slicer accident while making meat hats) would sometimes get up to their own silly antics..

i wrote:-

"back when i was making diaper stains and trying to spell the word "scrotum" to be used in creative writing pieces... dila was already appointed to be in charge of the army's PR campaigns.. she churned out posters with thought evoking one- liners and went to gym all the time.. i remember her years as a teenager being spent doing bicep curls and squat variations.. she would take the occasional break to guzzle down GNC supplements and some mass- gainer whey... lets take a neoprint together soon k?"

my testimonial paled in comparison to the purposeful intent of another one in her list!

"HeY..............KaU tAuApE!!!?.........................KaLo KaUtAk TaU...................AkU pOn TaKtAu!!!.................MuAhAhAhAhA!!!.................IsH,aCtuAlLy KaN, aKu BoRiNg......TaKdEkEjE.........sO aNtAr TeStI kArOt2....HuHuhU"

by
"SaRdAuKaR LocalDatewithTimezone("2004/11/22 10:31:27") Tuesday, November 23, 2004"

check it out here..

seriously.. TOTALLY WAH PIANG EH!!!

*more updates on my other offensive testimonials next time ok?*
-enigmatic butterfly bared her soul at 12.04 pm ,Jan 23 2005-

Recently, i had a serious diaper rash which may have been brought by my trying to house a hamster in my jock strap.. I mistook this as a symptom of lycantrophy and went ahead to visit the friendly neighborhood vet! Soon after, he was probing my testicles with his gloved fingers, growling erotically while my mom and dad looked on with concern..


i brushed this off as normal medical procedure and waited for him to come back from "taking care of matters that came up" he said..

He took a horribly long time to come back.. so i took the liberty of looking up his national-geographic-medical files on his other subjects/patients complete with helpful descriptions that expand our general knowledge.. this is what i found..



Description
Head and body length: 32 inches. Tail: 3 inches. Weight: 25-45 pounds, male larger.
Coat is olive brown above, pale underneath. Adult males have bluish naked rump, a bright blue and red muzzle, and yellow coloring on “beard” (coloring in females and juveniles is duller). Prominent bony ridges present on each side of the nose.
Range
West central Africa, southern Cameroon, equatorial New Guinea, Gabon and Congo.
Status
Habitat conversion for farming is the primary threat to habitats that support this species.
Habitat
Forest floor during the day; sleeps in trees at night.
Niche
Eats mostly fruit, seeds, fungi, roots, insects and small vertebrates; will also eat grass. Diurnal and terrestrial. Group size includes an alpha male, several females and juveniles. Excess males live alone or forage with the group. During dry season, several groups come together to form troops of up to 200. Home range is very large for this species: 9,000-12,000 acres.

source: http://www.lpzoo.com/tour/factsheets/mammals/mandrill.html




Fun Facts
1. He is capable of drinking 100 L (30 gal.) of water in just 10 minutes.
2. He stores fat in the hump, not water! In fact, he is born without a hump because the layer of fat does not develop until he eats solid food.
3. Unlike most mammals, his body temperature fluctuates throughout the day from 34oC to 41.7oC (93oF-107oF.) This fluctuation is important because it allows him to conserve water by not sweating as the environmental temperature rises.
4. He is no longer considered a wild animal. In Africa and Arabia it is a semi-domesticated animal that free ranges but is under the control of herders.

source:http://www.seaworld.org/AnimalBytes/dromedary_camelab.html




They are small, virtually tailless and velvet-furred with enormous cheek pouches, also, they are capable of using gangster signs to identify between themselves. They originated in the Middle East and southeastern Europe. The most common and popular, both as pets and laboratory animals, is this one. Color and hair-type varieties include cinnamon, cream, white, and "teddy bear" (the long-haired variety). Most of them are sold as pets or used in research are the descendants of 3 littermates domesticated in 1930.

The cheek pouches are a relatively unique anatomic feature . They are actually a cavernous outpouching of the oral (mouth) cavity on both sides, extending alongside the head and neck to the shoulders. These pouches are used to store food and allow them to transport food from where it is gathered to their den or nest The food is then eaten later, at their leisure. Owners not familiar with these cheek pouches often panic when seeing them fully distended for the first time, thinking they represent tumors or abscesses.

Potential life span: 2-3 years
Adult body weight: 100-150 grams (Adult females are slightly larger than adult males)
Desirable environmental temperature range: 65-75 F
Desirable relative humidity range: 30-70%
Ages for first breeding: male: 10-14 weeks; female reproduction: 6-10 weeks
Length of estrous (heat) cycle: 94 hours
Gestation (pregnancy) period: 15 1/2-16 days
Average litter size: 5-10 young
Age at weaning: 3 weeks

source: http://www.animalhospitals-usa.com/small_pets/hamsters.html

man, im so gonna be sniped in the balls for this! damn!
im such a mother fucker.. here, i forgot to provide the link to "sg_mly_handsomest" just cos i think you guys need it.. http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=11840286

Commanding Respect, Respecting Command...

i just got enlisted and with no real training at all, got posted to situation control at the UN relief coordination centre.. Suddenly, i was thrusted in with all the colonels, majors and warrant officers.. Sounds important? haha... im just a duty clerk...

and being around these big shots who make all the decisions in the army.. i overheard what seemed like the guy in charge of all those army posters you see around giving orders to his subordinates.. The exact quoted order was "Aiyah! just take any picture then put put words lah! so easy.." The creative behind- the- scenes force for posters which you would need to hurriedly bludgeon yourself with a SAR21 rifle butt to neutralise the necrosis they may induce..

Hey wait... i just assumed he was the director of that poster- churning campaign since his words just explains it all.. haha.. im using my magical red shoes while clutching on to my prized scrotum(kinda like a seat belt for imagination travel) to take me to places i wanna go again! silly me! weeeee!!!




for no reason at all.. a fat guy with a stern stare.. (to brighten up yer day eh fellows? always worked for me...)

-and remember, whenever you fall in the mud face first... the mud on your face is soil... our soil...