I believe in love to be something you need to build, to use an analogy, something like the both of you standing on different sides of a metaphorical gap... and its best if the both of you make that conscious effort to bridge the gap, meeting in the center.. if one does it all alone, the bridge will fall short.. inevitably... Isnt that what makes a relationship meaningful and rewarding? Its about bettering yourself and reaping the rewards that come... I mean im willing to change and listen to her complaints, and she should too... I do it for her...

I believe in love to be something free, i believe myself as a faithful person, i really do... I wouldnt even look at other girls if im with someone who im happy with... Im not a flirt, as she said... And right now, im really happy with the girl im with, just that im not sure if the feeling is mutual... I dont impose any restrictions on her cos i believe in trust, if she does something bad with other guys... Ill just decide that she wants to be with that guy(s) and not me... If not, she'd do it with me instead right? hehe... ok but seriously, its a display of faithfulness or on a higher level, fidelity... Its not that i dont care, its because i care... Im also exercising consideration for her interests and welfare... im not a possessive monster, i dont wanna be one...

right now, i feel that im down and my hands are tied, Ive been given a hurting blow by my girlfriend and i guess it really makes me think of how i am as a person... All ive been trying to do is to try to be there for 'er, be the one to listen about her day, sharing the emotions that comes with it.. be the one to comfort her in case she cries... tell her about my day, delivered animatedly, soaked in my humor, just to make her laugh or smile... and as a gesture of my affection, present to her gifts that i hope she appreciates... But all ive caused her is stress and misery... I should be the one alleviating those negative emotions, ironically im the one adding to them... I truly am speechless...

she says shes not the right girl for me, why is that so? she does not really say... or am i just not the right guy for her? I feel helpless to the rising tides of her mind... i am truly disappointed with this arrangement... I cant stop her if she wants "suspended animation" but i somehow dont feel its right... And i already feel her drifting away... I dont know whether to contact her anymore, for fear of disturbing or irritating her... I hope she speaks the truth of her motivations.. its like shes a stranger now, so distant... i guess i love her but maybe ill just end up with another broken heart.. I really wanna talk to her sometime... thats if shes free and willing...