i just found out i got pissed over some stuff that wasnt meant for me... now i feel like an idiot... but im still pissed i dun know why... maybe at myself.. some ex-crescent girls talked to me... they warned me about her... they said of how they were worried how i would be hurt... i guess its too late... now im confused... i thought i got over everything... in that forced expulsion of hatred and sadness... but it was based on something that wasnt meant for me... damn... i thought it was no use being sad over something she didnt even regard as significant in her life... something to me was so dear but to her not even near... and my first girlfriend called me... to give me advice on relationships... she sounds so mature now.. so grown up... i didnt know she would be so "semangat" to call.. i guess there are more people who care about me than i originally thought of... she said so many good things about me...she really has a good impression of me... sigh... reminds me of the old days... how she blew me kisses in class only to get caught by the teacher... haha.. shes taking care of her family now, something which im envious of... i wish i could take care of my family too... and that some one too who would appreciate me as much as i did her... and would want to stay with me... she told me not to fall in love too fast... "jangan sayang dia dulu, tunggu sampai dah tau semua perangai dia".. and i replied with "tapi aku dah sayang dia, dia cakap dia sayang aku tapi skarang dia tinggalkan aku"... she paused and said,"kan susah kau dah sayang dia, kau masih muda, cari lah perempuan lain"... i dont get this line... what is it about me and "perempuan lain" or "other girls"? they make it sound as if im the best guy around and girls are lining up to be with me... That i hop from girl to girl like "changing shirts"? Initially, i thought of that to be such a rosy idea... but i would rather have one and stick to her... I'd love to be a casanova type... but im not... sometimes i dont even know what to do with a girl.... everything is spontaneous and ultimately risky and ambiguous... she might or might not like it... sigh.. i really thought she was the one... and im always pretending not to be hurt... but it hurts like burning ember on my flesh... im gonna use three lines from "the strokes-someday" then work a poetic reference to my situation around those lines... "yeah it hurts to say, but i want you to stay.." , "you say you want to stay by my side.." and "they fade my friend, you say the strangest things..."